The Accies were missing H and Blakey, who were off sipping champagne at Aintree, but despite also missing Bobby, Scott and Brian the Gaffa was still able to name a strong team. In fact, such was his confidence in the team that he even named himself in the starting eleven, alongside Charlie – who like Lennie the week before returned despite not seeing us at our best.
Subs: Terry
The great thing about the Accies scoring so many goals (possibly the most I have ever had to describe) is that there is no need for any fillers, and as we are at the business end I appreciate people just want to be reminded of who scored, and who is being credited with the assist. So I’ll just set the scene for each half and then get on with talking goals!
The mention of fun in the sun earlier was slightly tongue-in-cheek coming from your pasty match reporter. It was bloody hot! In fact the hottest day of the year with temperatures around the 25 degrees Celsius mark. So you would think the tactic would be to build slowly, and work the ball up the pitch. The Accies had other ideas, and although Liam and Charlie (but not the Gaffa) were definitely getting a lot of joy from chasing balls over the top, this surely was a suicidal approach in the sweltering conditions. Fortunately the referee was sympathetic, and scheduled a drinks break half way through each half. The 6-1 half time score line somewhat flattered us overall, when it was Charlie’s qualityin creating the goals that really stood the two sides apart. He may be surprised to find that he is not credited with the seven assists he was claiming, but then he can’t be blamed for not understanding the intricate nature of the Dubious Goals Committees’ decision making process.
1-0: Gaffa (g) – Charlie (a)
Having already had a fine header ruled out for offside when Robin was the one infringing (there is some previous there), the Gaffa wasn’t going to be denied again as he arrived at the back post to prod home Charlie’s pin-point cross from the right.
2-0: Gaffa (g) – Charlie (a)
Almost a carbon copy of the first, as Charlie once again broke clear on the right before putting in a perfect low cross. This time the Gaffa did his best to fluff his lines, but the ball thankfully nestled in the corner as it was hit back in the direction from which it had come.
3-0: Luke (g) – Charlie (a)
Same story, different scorer. This time Luke played the ball down the wing for Charlie to give chase, and the full back he continued his run into the box so that Charlie could pick him out for the easiest of tap ins and surprisingly Luke’s first goal of the season.
3-1:
The one stain on the copy book, as Chadwell’s striker was allowed to cut inside on the left and play the ball over to the back post, where much like a hot dog bun being squeezed too hard, the Chadwell player popped out from an Eye-Ball/James sandwich with the ball at his feet and the goal only six yards away. Lewis got a hand to it, but didn’t stand a chance. This started a 10 minute period where we started to panic and let Chadwell play, but fortunately goal 4 arrived just in time to settle our fragile nerves.
4-1: Robin (g) – Craig (a)
With the front men fluffing numerous chances (noticeably Charlie kept hitting the same spot 5 yards to the left of the goal and Liam kept giving the keeper back-passes), it was down to Robin to show them how it is done. Craig crossed deep from the right, which resulted in Robin’s first touch being a back-peddling header, and his second a firmly struck shot with his left that rose into the roof of the net.
5-1: James (g) – Liam (a)
Charlie was involved down the right again, but this time had to admit that he attempted a shot into the far corner. The ball was going out of play on the left, but Liam did well to flick it back from the bye-line where James was on hand to lift it into the roof of the net with his left.
6-1: Charlie (g) – Lee (a)
Lee had been a pretty frustrated figure in the first half, as the ball all too frequently by-passed the midfield. However, he showed what he can do when he gets the ball to feet, as he glided past the defence into the box, before pulling the ball back for Charlie to fire into the net just before the ref blew for half time.
We created far too many chances to describe (or remember) them all here, but one moment that can’t go unmentioned was a sublime effort from Craig. Clean through on goal, he could have easily tried to place the ball past the on-rushing keeper but, as we know, there has to be a touch of class in every Craig does. On this occasion he lifted the ball over the goalie, but it wouldn’t quite lose altitude quick enough; hitting the underside of the bar and bouncing away.
The second half was unrecognisable from the first in all but the continuous stream of goals. Chadwell had all but thrown in the towel, and Lee took control of the tempo; encouraging his team mates to play it out from the back, and dropping deep to collect the ball to make himself the link between defence and attack. This may have frustrated the front men a bit as they stood watching Lennie, Lewis, Robin, Eye-Ball and James interchange passes, but then we needed something to do!
7-1: Luke (g) – Charlie (a)
Luke (now playing on the wing having swapped full back duties with Lennie) kicked off the scoring in the second half, as he finished off a great team moved that saw a number of players interchanging passes, with Charlie playing the final killer ball for Luke to slot home.
8-1: Liam (g) – Lewis (a)
There is no player whose contribution is reflected less by the goal scoring chart than Lewis. It was therefore nice that he finally made a mark against one of the recorded metrics. The keeper’s long clearance sent Liam racing clear on the left, and he showed excellent composure to round Lewis’s opposite number before sliding the ball into an empty net.
9-1: Charlie (g) – Lee (a)
The best finish of the game (so far). Lee broke down the right and crossed into a crowded box, where Charlie arrived just in time to redirect the ball into the net with a nonchalant flick with his right foot after the ball had passed him (easier to do than describe).
10-1: Craig (g) – Terry (a)
The box was crowded, and the ball bouncing around, but finally Terry got it down and with his back to goal laid it off to Craig on the right side of the box. Craig then curled the ball first time with his left into the far corner, out of the reach of the exhausted and destroyed Chadwell keeper.
11-1: Lee (g) – Robin (a)
With one eye on the golden boot, Lee decided it was time to take matters into his own hands. He started by collecting the ball from Robin just inside the opposition half, before skipping past a couple of challenges which created a clear path to goal. Lee duly trod the red carpet that had been laid out before him, and placed the ball into the corner of the net.
12-1: Lee (g) – Liam (a)
It all started with Liam running seemingly pointlessly across the box, but ended with a front runner for goal of the season. His lay off to Lee about 25 yards out sat up nicely, and he hit with power across the ball first time with his left. From their ringside seats on the half way line, Eye-Ball and Robin had the perfect view to see the ball’s original path taking it wide of the goal, before it seemed to realise its error as it swung viciously back in towards the right-hand upright. It moved just enough to catch the inside of post and be sent across the goal and onto the left post before coming to rest in the back of the net. It was a fantastic goal, that was comparable to the type of strike Roberto Carlos sometimes pulled out of the bag (in fact thinking of free kick conversion as well it would appear Lee has more in common with the Brazilian legend than just a sweet left foot). The difference is that whilst Carlos’s goals would be getting millions of hits on YouTube, Lee will have to make do with this description, and an artist’s impression:
With the goal-fest described, I just need to mention another couple of supporting roles. Lewis deserved a clean sheet, and was in a large part responsible for keeping it down to just one in the against column (which ensured our goal difference returned to positive!) with a fine diving save to his right. Conor also made a cameo appearance as he replaced Luke on the right. He had chances to score, but perhaps showed his subconscious instinct to keep the ball out of the net.
I don’t think Charlie begrudged the MoTM award going to Lee, but he did mention his seven assists (onrfour according to the committee) and two goals on more than one occasion. However, perhaps Lee’s storming second half performance both in assisting the defence and getting involved in attacks – not to mention that strike – was what swung it for the voters. Saying that, he had a bit of an unfair advantage given the opportunities the referee gave him to satisfy his addiction. Strictly speaking the breaks were meant to be to take on water, but Lee found inhaling nicotine to be a far more productive and effective use of the time.
It’s hard to pick a DoTD following such a positive and enjoyable display, but Harry will be relieved to hear it wasn’t one of the front runners who took the award. I think it went to Liam for letting a number of chances go begging, but there was one in particular that sticks in the mind, where the ball was played across and missed by all of the three players who were queuing up on the six yards box. Liam was the last to attempt to score, and his air kick was deemed the worst attempt of the bunch.
After the few weeks we’ve had, this game was a welcome light relief. However, we’ve set ourselves a pretty high bar ahead of playing Chadwell again next week – in what will be our last game of the season. If we don’t at least match the performance (even if the score line can’t be bettered) then it won’t be the end to the season we would have wanted. It was great to see everyone playing with confidence, a smile and a little swagger, so let’s take that into next week and finish in style.
Eye-Ball
Goal scoring chart
Apart from Lee closing in on Liam, very little else changed at the top, with the main movers being at the bottom with Charlie, Luke, Craig and Robin leapfrogging Harry. But then we know it is the final column that matters to H, and just needs to be more of a cock than Terry in the final game to regain his title.
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