In 1991, the discovery of a pair of glasses by the cliff
edge led to the conclusion that Harold Bishop had been washed out to sea, and
most likely drowned. However, this was
never proved, which left the door nicely ajar for the portly, tuba playing
Neighbours legend to return to our screens in 1996. Perhaps he returned because he realised that
appearing on Noels House Party really is a huge step down from turning out
regularly on one of the country’s best loved soaps, but then sometimes getting
into a gunge tank with Mr Blobby is what it takes to realise that you actually
had it pretty good in the first place.
When Ryan Kenyon left Clements Athletic after four seasons with the club
he also knew that the door would always be left open for him to return, and
after one game for South Shell in division three he was handing over photos to
Sharpy and returning to his rightful home.
Despite the massive boost of Ryan returning to the squad,
the midweek availability check still raised concerns that what should have been
a straightforward 3 points could easily turn into a slippery banana skin;
especially as we were playing on the pitch where we had been humiliated by the
league whipping boys the previous season.
Our entire central midfield from last week had evaporated, with H and
Jake unavailable and Foggy having to play in goal because of the Andrew’s
absence. Al – who would have been first
pick to take up a central midfield position – was also not available, and the
option of moving utility man Brian into midfield appeared to be a no go because
of Mark having far more important family matters to attend to. Scott was available, but admitted openly that
there was no way you’d get 90 minutes of him.
However, things were looking a lot rosier as we assembled at the
Billet; Ryan and Dale turned up with
something far better than a tuba (another Kenyon), and Chappers pulled out the
stops to make himself available for kick-off.
Rumours that Sharpy trumped TACA’s offer of £5 a week for Chappers to
play (seriously!) by offering £5, a packet of Werther’s Originals and DoTD
immunity are yet to be confirmed.
The one concern was James P’s sleep deprivation, but all was
fine as Sharpy showed his managerial expertise for dealing with such a situation
by smashing the ball at the unexpecting winger from 10 yards. I don’t know if James was more shocked by the
impact or the fact that Sharpy hit the target, but either way it seemed to do
the trick.
The team therefore had a pretty familiar look, apart from a
very odd looking central midfield which saw Liam partnering Brian with Ryan
handed the roaming number 10 role.
Despite having a centre back and winger/striker in the middle there was
something reassuring about knowing that these three would give 100% from start
to end, and would also relish the opportunity to get stuck in to every tackle.
Subs: Scott, Rhys
If we thought we had problems, our opposition just about
managed to scrap a side together, and they were noticeably weaker from the team
we played the week before. It was
quickly apparent that Liam and Brian were going to boss the midfield, and maybe
playing together on Mondays has helped them gain an understanding which meant
there always seemed to be one of them available to make a tackle whilst the
other was an option to move the ball forward or out wide, where the James duo could
look to get us on the attack and bring Dale and Ryan into play.
Despite our attempts to play short, passing football,
sometimes there is no substitute for the big hoof up field, and when Chappers
leathered the ball away from danger, Ryan caught Thameside’s fragile defence
napping and took a sublime touch before scoring off the far post with the
outside of his right boot – welcome back! 0-1.
We had struggled against set plays with this opposition last
week, but an early corner which Eye-Ball headed wide, after finding himself
unmarked 15 yards out, suggested this was an area we might find some success
this time. So it proved, as from the
next corner James P delivered a perfect low outswinger which Brian met on the
run and powered into the net: 0-2.
There was no way Dale was going to be kept out of the goals
for long, and when Luke lifted the ball over the back four, our enigmatic striker
bravely capitalised on the goalkeeper’s hesitation to prod the ball into the
goal: 0-3.
By now it was a case of not if we would win, but by how
many. However, the Accies defence were
determined to get their first clean sheet of the season, with Chappers leading
by example as he got back to make a block on the edge of the box when we
appeared to be temporarily outnumbered.
On the one time that their lone striker did break free of Rob’s strangle
hold, he ended up as the meat in an Eye-Ball Foggy sandwich, and Luke tracked
the run of the opposition attacker to clear a dangerous cross into the
middle. With Foggy dominating his
penalty area to claim and punch clear the ball every time it threatened our
goal, it looked increasingly likely that we would feast on the clean sheet we
craved.
Thameside’s response to leaking three goals in the first
half was to put an even worse keeper between the sticks for the second, and the
flood gates well and truly opened.
The fourth saw Liam feed the ball through to Dale, who was
basically left free to walk the ball into the net after James K had dragged
away the only defender in the vicinity: 0-4.
Next it was Liam’s turn to deservedly get on the score
sheet, as James P crossed from the left and Ryan obeyed Liam’s call and left him
to slot the ball into the net. James
graciously handed the assist to Ryan, seeing as the ball had brushed off his
chest on the way to Liam: 0-5.
With the game won, and a clean sheet practically guaranteed,
Chappers took his Werther’s Originals and returned to family matters, giving
Scott a run out in midfield and Brian the opportunity to take a well-deserved
breather at the back.
The goals continued to flow, and James P popped up in the
box to stroke the rebound from Ryan’s initial effort into the far corner. Some said they thought he nearly missed, but
considering the fact he was still probably seeing double, it’s a miracle he
made contact with the ball at all! 0-6.
Dale asked during the post-match debrief in The Ship if he
had now scored more hat-tricks for the club than any other player, after
volleying home from Ryan’s pass to score at least three in a match for what I
believe to be the fifth time since joining in 2012. He is definitely the most
prolific striker in my 10 years at the club, and there is no doubt we wouldn’t
have held our own in this league for the last three seasons without his goals. Having said that, the gaffa may still be able
to lay claim to having the most hat-tricks, having achieved some pretty remarkable
goal scoring feats; including a 10 minute hat-trick after coming on as a sub in
an 11-0 demolition of Beauchamps, and a double hat-trick in a 10-3 victory
against F.C. Deportivo Thurrock. At last
count I had made it 4 for Sharpy since I’ve been keeping track, and he would
have had at least three seasons before that: 7-0.
Sharpy brought on Rhys for Eye-Ball for the last half hour, to
make his first competitive appearance for Aveley. He put in an assured performance on the left,
working hard up and down the flank and putting in a couple of vital challenges
when there was a risk of getting overrun.
His help in defence was definitely needed at this point, as Rob was
venturing further and further up field, and even popped up on the right wing at
one point.
It was inevitable that Thameside would great some chances,
but Foggy saved well on at least two occasions from one-on-one situations, and
Brian’s last ditch slide was enough to clear the ball off the line after he
came closest to scoring for the opposition following a deflection.
If MoTM was going to be a hard decision, DoTD nominations
were pretty much non-existent until the last 10 minutes when a flurry of
comical and ridiculous incidents came into the running:
1. Foggy attempts a simple boot upfield, but scuffs
it with his left across the box and out for a throw in.
2.
Foggy throws the ball with a bit too much zip to
Luke, who valiantly sprints after it before being upended by the bags on the
sideline.
3.
Dale rubs salt into the opposition’s gapping
wounds by pulling off a Robinho(?) flick
4.
James Kenyon subs himself (even though we had no
more subs) after looking a gift horse in the mouth for at least the second
time.
It was no surprise that James K won the award on his first
appearance; walking off the pitch and leaving your team with 10 men because you
can’t finish from 3 yards is a pretty amazing reaction. Although apart from his finishing, he showed
what a great addition he is to the squad with his pace, technical ability and
vision shining through on an impressive debut.
Much like the Kenyan long distance runners, our own three Kenyons are a fearsome
attacking unit, and when they aren’t arguing (we know to expect plenty of that)
they are sure to terrorise many a defence in this league. It’s just a shame that on this occasion –
much like the pace-setter – James felt he had to bail out before the end of the
race!
MoTM was a much more tightly contested affair, and although
all the attacking players (for scoring all those goals) and the entire
defensive unit (you can’t beat a clean sheet) could have argued their case, the
award really had to go to one of the two guys who played out of position – and
out of their skins – in the centre of the park.
Both scored, but Liam probably just edged out Brian thanks to also
contributing an assist (it should have been 2 but we’ve already talked about
James K’s finishing), and for being a constant source of direction and
encouragement – well done Liam.
We know we aren’t going to have many games as easy as
this. Savour the victory, but be ready
for a fight next week against what we expect to be a strong side in the Essex
Cup. We don’t get to travel outside of
Thurrock much, so let’s enjoy our trip to Rochford and make sure they remember
the Accies of Aveley.
Eye-Ball
Next game: Sunday 4th October – Away v Rochford
Sports and Social
Goal scoring chart
