Clements Athletic 3 – 0 Staines United

I would tend to worry that talk of a game being a ‘must win’ and the ‘biggest of season’ would add pressure that would have a negative effect on the team’s performance.  However, it seems that the current Clements Athletic squad thrives and performs to their best when this additional pressure is applied.  The proof is the fact that for the second time this season we were the first team to put a mark in the L column of top-of-the-league opponents.  This might also explain why we couldn’t beat the worst team in the league! Both the wins against Lakeside and Staines have been particularly convincing, and we were on top from the start in this game against a team who were obviously technically proficient and good at keeping the ball.  These attributes may make for good viewing, but what I am realising is that few teams (if any) in this league are as effective as Clements at the direct approach, whereby we are always looking to move the ball up the field and put defences on the back foot as quickly as possible.

Sharpy picked a side that, despite missing two first choice midfielders (although one of them was in goal), was set up to attack with Joe making his first start of the season on his Winter return from university and Ryan being given the job of filling H’s boots in midfield.

Subs: lil’ Ryan, Rob, Alex

Prior to this game Staines had the best defensive record in the league, having conceded just 6 goals in 7 matches.  It was therefore surprising to see how easy Dale was finding it cut through their defence, and our top scorer should have added two or three to his impressive tally in the opening 15 minutes.  Staines seemed to be in shock to come up against a team with so much pace and excellent movement up top.

Dale’s performance in the opening quarter would have made him a front runner for MoTM in any other game, but on this occasion he was outdone by the younger Kenyon, whose performance in a less familiar central midfield role was the best by any Clements player this season.  Ryan just seemed to have the ball stuck to his feet, and made the opposition players look silly on countless occasions as he turned them inside out.  His distribution was also superb, and his assist for the opening goal was a key element in making it a contender for goal of the season.  Ryan made himself available to receive the ball from Eye-Ball on the left.  He then ran with the ball diagonally to the right side of the pitch, but instead of playing the obvious ball to Chris, who was running down the flank and dragging out the fullback, Ryan played a perfectly weighted reverse ball into the gap that had now been created. Dale pounced on this early Christmas present and drove the ball past the keeper into the far corner: 1-0.

This goal gave us a massive confidence boost, whilst rash challenges and petulant behaviour off the ball by Staines were obvious signs that Clements’ defence was as dominate as our attack.  It wasn’t long before our excellent play was rewarded with another superb goal.  This time Chris was the provider, as he did really well to keep the ball in play on the right before driving to the bye line and delivering a low cross into the danger area between penalty spot and six yard box.  Liam had timed his run superbly, and bravely stooped to head the ball under pressure into the far corner: 2-0.

The only way Staines looked like they might score was from dead balls, and in general we defended corners well, with Foggy attacking the ball aggressively.  However on one occasion he got it completely wrong and threw himself forward whilst the ball sailed well above his head.  It says something about how well we played, and the high standards we set, that a stand-in keeper should receive DoTD for this misjudgement. To be fair, if Foggy hadn’t received the award for this he would have been nominated for slipping over every time he took a goal kick, and subsequently shouting at himself for doing so.

We didn’t manage to add to our tally or goals in the first half despite creating some excellent chances, including one for Joe (who is yet another hard working quality winger in the Clements squad) who fluffed his lines in front of goal and could only shoot tamely at the keeper from 10 yards.

We continued to threaten in the second half, and whilst the third goal was the obvious way to put the result beyond doubt, we were actually helped to do this by the opposition midfielder, who reacted to a reducing tackle from Jake by throwing a headbutt.  Sharpy might not know the laws of the game inside out, but he knows from plenty of personal experience that you can’t react like that, especially when the referee is the Chair of the Thurrock Sunday League.  Staines were reduced to ten men, and although Jake was punished for his tackle he should get credit (as indeed should the rest of the team) for not reacting and letting the referee do his job.

The game lost a little of its intensity as a result of this sending off, and despite creating plenty of chances, including a good header from Joe that hit the bar, Staines keeper was in fine form and denied us on a number of occasion.  However, he could do nothing to stop Jake’s first goal for Clements as Chris laid the ball back to him following a corner and the big man curled the ball into the top corner from 20 yards.  His corner flag celebration received a DoTD nomination (probably from Foggy): 3-0.

Such is the strength of the Clements squad that a completely new centre back partnership of Alex and Rob was able to slot in with Eye-Ball and Luke seamlessly to preserve the clean sheet, that the defence and Foggy richly deserved for throwing themselves in the way of everything Staines threw at them.  Rob also popped up at the far post from a corner, but was unable to keep his header down.

 Lil’Ryan was the other substitution made by Sharpy, and he nearly made an immediate impact when he broke into the area with the ball.  Unfortunately it bounced kindly for the defender who was able to clear before Ryan could unleash a shot on goal.

You really couldn’t ask for a better Christmas present than 3 goals, a clean sheet and 3 points against the unbeaten league leaders.  Everyone can now enjoyed a well-earned Christmas break, before we return well rested and eager for our first round match in the league two cup – one we are definitely capable of winning.

Eye-Ball

Next game: Sunday 4^th January @ home v Lakeside (Div 2 cup round 1)

Goal Scoring Chart

Clements Athletic 1 - 2 Sparks (Ted Fairchild Cup Round 1)

I'm going to use Sharpy's DoTD winning pre-match speech as motivation for writing this match report, which went something like this: "OK boys, we don't really want to win this game as we'd just have to play AFC Blackshots in the next round and don't have any chance of winning this cup.  So, I'm going to give some of the weaker players a run out."

So in-keeping with this spirit, this is going to be one of my weaker match reports as I don't really want to write it.

Fortunately there was no hard feelings from Sharpy's ill chosen words and the following line up still looked pretty strong to me.

subs: Luke, Chris, Alex, Joe

The opposition were top of Div 2, and had enjoyed an unbeaten season the previous year, so were obviously not a bad side.  However, it soon became apparent that this was going to be a hard game not to win, as we had more than enough to win the game.  Having the pressure of winning removed did have some positive effects, with the Clements players wearing permanent smiles and playing with a freedom that comes with knowing any errors will not result in receiving an ear-full.  We definitely still played to win, and this attitude was epitomised by Eye-Ball who raced back to make a last ditch tackle and put the ball out for a corner when the striker was clear through on goal.  The tackle had to be perfectly timed, as anything else would have surely resulted in a red card.

H was also playing out of his skin following his return to the starting eleven, and it was a real blow to see him have to be helped off following a nasty looking impact on the knee. Hopefully the time off whilst H has a minor op will give ample time for recovery so that he is raring to go in January.

The game was fairly evenly balanced (Robin even balanced the injury count by forcing Sparks's striker off following a fair but firm challenge), and it just so happened that Sparks made the first breakthrough when Clements failed to clear the ball from a corner and it was squeezed home through a crowded area: 0-1.

The response to going behind was spot on, and almost instantaneous.  Sharpy and little brother Ryan had already been linking up really well on the left, and a little exchange of passes was finished with Sharpy lifting the ball into Dale, who was deadly from 8 yards out: 1-1.

We arguably created the better chances to take the lead both at the end of the first half, and the start of the second half.  Sharpy in particular was making a nuisance of himself, and may have opened his account for the season if he had been a bit quicker to pull the trigger on a couple of occasions.  Liam also had the beating of the left full back, and made some excellent advances into the opposition penalty area.  At the other end Webby was excellent in goal, and deservedly earned a number of MoTM nominations.

Webby could do nothing about the goal that gave Sparks the lead when the replacement striker turned inside onto his right foot and hit the ball with minimum power, but perfect accuracy into the far corner: 1-2.

You would have thought this was the ideal situation: we lose the game 2-1 so Sharpy gets the result we want whilst we've still played well, enjoyed the game and made the opposition work hard for their victory.  However, it was a nervy ending as we created a number of good opportunities to equalise with Dale being denied on more than one occasion by the dimensions of the goal and the acrobatics of the goal keeper.  Extra time would have proven a little embarrassing for Sharpy, as it would have meant finishing with ten men as he had already used all three substitutes and Dale needed to leave at 90 minutes to get to work.  Fortunately we managed to hold out for the defeat, and were able to warmly congratulate our opponents on their progress to the next round.

The MoTM vote was dominated by defenders, with Eye-Ball just coming out on top.  It is difficult for me to self-assess why this was, but I imagine it was for volume of tackles, generally being a pain in the backside any time the opposition tried to mount an attack, and even getting a shot (albeit a tame one) on target from inside the box in the first half.  It could also be because we lost, as the only other time I have received this accolade is the only other time we have lost this season.  Oh well, at least the dark cloud of defeat has a silver lining for me.

Eye-Ball

Next game: Sunday 14th December @ home v Staines United.

Goal scoring chart:

Clements Athletic 2 - 1 Thameside F.C.

Johnny and Eye-Ball learned a valuable lesson prior to this game: lower the posts in gently or you may end up covered in muddy water, and smelling like a skunk whose had far too much vindaloo.  Still we had a good laugh about it (except Johnny and Foggy who were busy gagging), and we had no problems with space in the changing room.

The good humour continued right up to kick-off, and the good team spirit was reflected in one of the best footballing performances of the season, to which the score line did not do justice.

Sharpy demonstrated that everyone will be treated the same in this team, and so despite being one of the stand out players this season, H was started on the bench following a couple of weeks away.  Once again players were missing, but Sharpy was still able to name a strong starting eleven.

Subs: Sharpy, Harry

We were determined to get off to a good start in this game, and created a number of chances which should have helped calm those early nerves.  Unfortunately Liam in particular had left his shooting boots at home, and missed a couple of (what were by his standards) sitters. 

Thameside were a far improved side from the outfit we comfortably brushed aside earlier in the season, and were competitive and hard to break down.  When we did get in behind their keeper was on fine form to keep us out.

A frustrating first half nearly ended in us going behind, when a ricochet from a shot landed kindly for the right winger.  However, Webby was quick off his line and smothered the effort to keep the scores level going into the break.

The discussion at half time was positive, and we knew that it was a matter of when, rather than if we would break down the opposition.

Seeing as we were struggling to find the net via conventional methods, Jake thought he would try something a little more flamboyant, and his acrobatic (yes, Jake and acrobatic in the same sentence) not quite over-head kick in a crowded area was hit so sweetly that it would surely have been front runner for goal of the season had it not been for a fine save from Thameside’s keeper.  I think this is the first time I have witnessed a collective round of applause in the Thurrock Sunday League.  It just goes to show that we all appreciate good techers.

By this point we were getting a little worried about where the goal was going to come from, but when you’ve got the Kenyons on the pitch you know something can always happen.  Ryan picked the ball up on the left, and ignored the cries of his brother who had run outside him and instead slalomed his way to the right side of the pitch before slipping a slide rule pass through to Liam, whose cross found Dale unmarked at the back post 12 yards out.  He still had a lot to do but hit the ball into the ground, and right into the corner of the goal to leave the keeper no chance – a fine finish to cap a great move: 1-0.

We really should have pushed on from this point, scored a couple more goals and put the result beyond doubt.  Unfortunately, we instead conceded a sloppy equaliser, when Thameside’s nippy winger was allowed to play keepy-uppy with his back to the goal on the edge of the six yard box, before guiding the ball into the net: 1-1.

With about 10 minutes to go there wasn’t long to find the winner we deserved, and despite the introduction of H and Sharpy in the second half providing extra attacking impotence, we just couldn’t find the net.  In the end we relied on an unorthodox helping hand, as Thameside’s best player (possibly suffering the effect of too much weed) attempted a suicidal backpass, which Dale was alert to and raced clear.  He touched the ball passed the keeper and would certainly have scored had the keeper not brought him down.  The ref had no choice but to send the keeper off, who was commiserated by players from both sides.  Dale dusted himself off, and after a lengthy delay showed nerves of steel to guide the ball into the corner of the net: 2-1.

We had to survive an anxious final five minutes, and Eye-Ball didn’t help the frayed nerves when he read the danger from a diagonal ball into the box and decided he would simply nod the ball into the arms of Webby.  However Webby had other ideas, but his call of “Webby’s ball” was misinterpreted by Eye-Ball as “that’s right Eye-Ball, just nod it back and I’ll do the rest”.  So as Webby rushed out the ball rushed passed him, with the fortunate consequence just being a wasted corner.  Liam was pretty happy about this, as he had been prime candidate for DoTD before Eye-Ball took that honour unanimously.

So we survived to make it successive wins in the league, and 5 out of 6.  Things really are looking good, and it feels like we are growing as a team with every game.  Let’s keep it up, and make sure we are in the mix for the league title come the end of the season.

Robin claimed his second MoTM award of the season for a typically dominate display in defence, with Webby a close second for an overall solid display and a couple of vital saves in either half.

Next game: Sunday 7^th December @ home v Sparks – Ted Fairchild Cup Round 1.

Goal scoring chart

Clements Athletic 4 - 2 FC Deportivo Thurrock

Clements bounced back from last week’s disappointing defeat with a hard fought victory against a Deportivo team who would have been out for blood given our last minute winner last time we met.

It is worth mentioning the dedication and commitment being shown by those in the Clements squad to be available for games.  Exemplars of this spirit include Dale, who organised going into work two hours late so he could play, and Jake, who we learned in the pub on Friday is using his holiday leave to book off Sunday shifts so he can be at as many games as possible.  It just goes to show how much people are enjoying being a part of this squad.  As a result Sharpy had pretty much a full squad to choose from, with just Rob and H missing.  Congratulations to H, who was in Prague celebrating his 21^st birthday.  We can only assume he survived, but obviously have no idea if he’ll recover in time for next week’s game.

Subs:  Lil’ Ryan, Alex, Chris

All the talk of getting off to a good start, and not going behind in the first 10 minutes only partly translated onto the pitch.  Eye-Ball led by example by making a penetrating run from inside his own half, which unfortunately ended in him running out of pitch before being able to get a cross in.  However, despite this early promise we were no better than average in the first half.  First touches were sloppy, and we allowed Deportivo to panic us into misplaced passes and ineffective long balls.  We inevitably went behind when the ball broke nicely for the striker on the edge of the box, and he nonchalantly placed the ball in the bottom corner: 0-1.

Despite our collective under performance, Clements have individual quality that can lead to chances being created from amongst the murky sea of whale crap.  Providing the moment of brilliance on this occasion was Ryan, who had been none too happy with the lack of supply down the left, and so took matters into his own hands.  Faced with two defenders near the dead ball line Ryan dropped a shoulder, showed a turn of pace and made space to cross left footed into the middle.  Waiting there was his big brother Dale, who remarkably found himself with enough time in the six yard box to control the ball, discuss the state of the economy with the goal keeper and complete a Sudoku puzzle before slotting the ball into one of the two gaping holes either side of the goal keeper: 1-1.

Such is the standard we set ourselves that we felt fortunate to be level at the break.  Still we should have been encouraged by the fact that we were level whilst being well below our best.  The second half was a completely different ball game, as Foggy and Jake started to own the midfield and our front four of Ryan, Liam, Dale and Luke (later replaced by Chris) learnt that they could exploit Deportivo’s weakness in the full back areas.  In the meantime Robin and Brian bullied and harassed the ineffective strikers whilst Eye-Ball and Johnny mopped up anything that Webby didn’t collect himself.

Our pressure paid off when Webby collected the ball and thumped it up-field.  He didn’t quite manage to score the goal he has been claiming he will do at some point, but his deep ball was unwisely left by the centre back, who obviously hadn’t learnt from our last meeting that Liam is a poacher who is always on the lookout for a cheap goal.  He subsequently ran on to the ball and knocked it round the out-rushing keeper before thrashing it into the empty net: 2-1.

It was important that we pushed on to put the win beyond doubt, and we did have the opposition on the ropes.  Unfortunately their goalkeeper was having a blinder and denied the Clements players on numerous occasions.  However, his luck ran out when a moment of brilliance, from the older Kenyon this time, saw Dale flick the ball round the defender with his back to goal before having his shot blocked by the keeper.  However, Dale’s persistence saw him manage to hook the ball over the keeper and into the six yard box where Foggy timed his run brilliantly to meet the ball 3 yards out.   I know what you’re thinking, but no, he didn’t miss! In fact to make sure, he followed the ball into the net and took the defender with him: 3-1.

Anything other than a Clements win now would have been a travesty, but a dishevelled and argumentative Deportivo side were given a glimpse of hope when, with half an hour left to go, the defender who had been at fault for Liam’s goal converted a firm header from a corner: 3-2.

With just under half an hour to go this was a real test of our resolve and determination.  I am pleased to say that every player – including those who came off the subs bench – were more than up to the challenge.  Sharpy once again showed his managerial astuteness as he replace a tiring Jake with Alex, whose defensive instinct was exactly what we needed to break up the opposition play and allow Foggy to venture further forward.

With the goal scoring chart being dominated by a few individuals it was good to already have two new contributors in this game, with Foggy getting his first goal and Webby his first assist.  The game was to be put to bed thanks to another unlikely assists contributor, with Rob floating a free kick to the far left side of the penalty area.  Ryan was left unmarked and brought down the ball superbly without missing a stride, and then passed the ball past the keeper into the far corner: 4-2.

This goal capped off a man of the match performance in which Ryan showed the passion and determination both in attack and defence that has made him such a key member of the squad since he joined just over three years ago.  Unfortunately there was no nomination for DoTD, which meant no free drink for Ryan.  A warning to the next DoTD: you might have to buy two beers!

Another week to be proud to be a Clements player.  Maybe last week’s defeat isn’t such a bad thing, as we know what humiliation feels like now, and should be extra determined to avoid feeling that again.  More of the same next week please.

Eye-Ball

Next game: Essex cup third round @ Home v Iceni Wanderers

Goal scoring chart

Mustang 3 - 2 Clements Athletic

This was a result that none of us expected, and although we may have been a bit overconfident prior to this match against our winless, bottom of the league opponents, it is hard to be too critical of a performance where Mustang took three of the four chances we gifted them, and we only managed to convert two of the dozen or so that we created.  In a way this result may do us some good, as perhaps we were getting a little carried away thanks to our early success, but we can be in doubt that we can not afford to be below par in any department and expect to still win games in this league.

With H and Jake missing Sharpy chose to start with Chris in the middle, whilst Brian came back in for Luke with Alex filling the hole in the centre of defence which Foggy had occupied the previous week.

Subs: Rob, Johnny

The game couldn’t have got off to a worse start, as we found ourselves a goal down before anyone on our team had even touched the ball.  A hopeful ball over the top was misjudged by Alex, and the forward gratefully slotted the ball past Webby: 1-0.

We needed an immediate response, and Foggy will be thankful that his dad wasn’t watching his son putting in a bid for miss of the season.  Instead it was the usually reliable Ryan –who you would have put your house on scoring – blazing over from three yards with the empty net at his mercy.  This unfortunate miss, and another effort that rattled the crossbar when a simple side foot into the corner would have sufficed, earned Ryan the DoTD award.

To rub salt into the wounds we then found ourselves two behind, when we didn’t move out from a cleared corner as a unit, and Mustang’s makeshift striker found himself with time on the edge of the box to lash the ball inside the near post.  Webby did try to convince the net that the ball had hit the side netting, but it actually went a good foot inside the post (nice try Webby): 2-0.

We really couldn’t afford to let our heads drop, and we had already shown that we could get into their box regularly enough to create chances.  As it happened our first goal came from a free kick about 30 yards out on the left after Foggy had been tripped.  Ryan’s floated cross to the back post eluded everyone and went in off the underside of the crossbar: 2-1.

The scores were then level when Dale slipped the ball through the Liam, who may have been offside but did what all good strikers do by finishing first and worrying about the flag afterwards.  The flag did come once the ball was in the net, but the referee overruled and the goal was allowed to stand: 2-2.

We should have now been scoring a flurry of goals to stop any thoughts Mustang may have had about taking all three points.  Instead we found ourselves behind going into half time when Mustang’s striker was given space in the box from a corner to attempt an audacious overhead kick which surprised us all, including Webby who had little chance of stopping the effort: 3-2.

It was obvious what we had to do in the second half, and we spent the best part of 45 minutes camped in the opposition half.  However, we would have had a better chance of finding the Holy Grail than finding the back of the net.  Chance after chance flew wide or was blocked by the numerous bodies that crowded the area.  Even the defenders were getting in on the act with Brian hitting the post from a corner, and Eye-Ball having an effort that flew over.  It was probably these attempts to assist in attack whilst holding up the defence as we committed more men forward that earned Eye-Ball the MoTM award.

There was a risk that the score line would become even more embarrassing when a Mustang player found himself clear through as we chased the equaliser.  However, for the first time one of their touches didn’t turn to gold, and Webby was able to comfortably collect the ball from an ill-advised attempt to lob him.

So a week to forget (shame we have to have this report as a reminder), but it would be wrong not to offer our opposition a bit of praise.  They got stuck in, played with heart and character, took their chances and therefore deserved a bit of luck. Others may find it amusing to see this result, but that just puts more emphasis on us to prove it was a blip, and that we are still a team who can beat anyone in this league.

Eye-Ball

Next game: Sunday 16^th November @ Home v FC Deportivo Thurrock

Goal scoring chart

Clements Athletic 2014-15

Clements Athletic 3 – 1 Lakeside F.C.

The omens were looking good for this game.  The team effort to get the posts up by 0945 continued,  all but two of the squad were available, we had a referee and the rain held off long enough for us to pose for the team photo prior to the game.  Things just got better and better as Clements put in such an impressive team performance that we almost didn’t vote for DoTD.  However, we were then reminded that Jake had turned up 10 minutes before kick-off, and couldn’t see straight thanks to the previous evening’s excesses.  Having said that, it was impressive that he did turn up and managed about 60 minutes.

OK, so we are still waiting for the official Clements photo – did the Champions league trophy give it away?

Looking at the league table midweek was a bit of a shock, as we had fallen from second in the table to about sixth.  This was due to the fact that S.S.C. Orsett had folded and all their games (including our victory) had been wiped.  Poor old Sharpy must have been wondering why he had bothered taking all the stick from refereeing the game.  So we were now back to two wins from two, three games and 7 points behind our opponents.  Still their results didn’t suggest they were anything we should be too worried about, as was born out in our dominate display.

For the first time Sharpy had his three specialist central midfielders (I think H deserves that label now) to choose from, but rather than change what has been a winning formation skipper Foggy was asked to partner Robin at centre back, which is a job he is equally excellent at (is that a good enough mention skip?).  The rest of the team had a familiar and formidable look to it.

Subs: Jonny, Rob, lil’ Ryan

Clements superiority was soon evident, and it was interesting to see Lakeside – who were kicking into a strong wind first half – having to resort to the type of long ball over the top that has been a criticism of our team in the past.  As it was, most of these passes and long range efforts flew wide or were easily dealt with by Webby (also suffering from alcohol impairment), who did have to make one fine tip over the bar.

Clements broke the deadlock when the ball was worked out by Jake to Chris (he must have seen the blue boots), who had come in off the right wing.  He then slipped a perfect pass through to Dale, who had found space between the shoddy Lakeside back four.  He had time to compose himself and riffle a low shot into the far corner: 1-0.

The lead was soon extended with a goal that caused much debate in The Old Ship Inn after the game, as Ryan’s inswinging corner (won by Dale’s good persistence) deflected off a defender at the near post and into the net.  I had thought that the dubious goal committee was a democratic entity, and that the 6-4 vote in Ryan’s favour would mean he should be awarded the goal and Dale the assist.  However, it actually turns out that dictator Sharpy has the right to veto the vote, which means another scalp for own goals, and only an assist for Kenyon the younger: 2-0.

We continued to stay on top until the last five minutes of the first half, when Lakeside enjoyed more possession and began to get closer to finding the net.  With the last kick of the half they reduced the deficit when, like many keepers before him, Webby was caught out by a dipping free kick which was assisted by the strong wind that was blowing between the flats and Thurrock Harriers: 2-1.

The timing of this goal wasn’t great, as it would have improved Lakeside’s half team talk.  However, at least it also meant that Clements could regroup and remind each other that we were still winning, and were by far the better side.

The overwhelming emotion that seemed to be flowing through the Clements side in a challenging second half, where the heavens opened and the wind strengthened (I can’t believe the plastic bag warranted DoTD nominations), and one I definitely felt was pride.  This was also reiterated by Sharpy at the end of the match.  It just felt that there was no way we were going to lose, with every man prepared to take responsibility for ensuring we didn’t, and fighting for his fellow warriors in red.  This spirit was epitomised by Chris Batt, who you wouldn’t usually associate with crunching sliding tackles and putting your head in danger of being kicked, but this is exactly what we witnessed. 

As a result, I don’t remember Lakeside creating a clear cut chance, even when they introduced lightning pace, this was countered by the superb positioning and timing of Jonny and Rob (who had replaced Robin and Jake, with Foggy moving to midfield).  Foggy and H were putting their bodies on the line in midfield, Ryan was racing forward to support and create chances for Dale and Liam, whilst also doing more than his fair share of defending to ensure we kept our noses in front.  Luke was reigning in his attacking urges to help the defensive cause, and Dale and Liam continued to terrorise Lakeside’s defence with their determination, pace and movement.  Even lil’ Ryan got in on the act, and on another day would have been awarded a penalty after being tripped in the box.

Daylight was finally put between us and the opposition when Liam raced down the right before lifting the ball into Dale, who smashed the bouncing ball into the far corner for his second goal of the game: 3-1.

As the weather got worse, any hope Lakeside had against the wind was quickly evaporating, and the final score line flattered them, as we had some great chances to properly humiliate them.  Dale hit the wood work once and shot narrowly wide following two defence splitting passes (OK, hoicked clearances) from Eye-Ball.  H lifted the ball clear over the bar having temporarily forgotten how to kick a football when in front of goal, and Liam saw his effort saved by the keeper’s legs when put through one-on-one.  Still this did nothing to dampen the sense of satisfaction from collecting another well-deserved three points and ending our opponent’s unbeaten start.

There were many deserving nominations for MoTM, but this week the award went to Foggy, who had been solid at the back but really came into his own when pushed into midfield.  His shear tenacity and dogged determination was too much for Lakeside’s fragile midfield, who were bullied and harassed for much of the half.

No week is going to be easy, and next week we have the challenge of coping without our top scorer and two first choice central midfielders.  Still, this gives us the chance to show what a strong unit we are.

Eye-Ball

Next game: Sunday 9^th November, Away @ The Billet v Mustang.

Goal scoring chart

Clements Athletic 8 - 1 Great Clacton (Essex Cup Round 2)

Talking to Dale in the pub this week brought to my attention the fact that my weekly match reports are vital to ensuring the regularity of his bowel movements.  With that in mind, I am endeavouring to get this match report written as soon as possible to avoid any unintended health complications.

You’re never sure what you are going to come up against in the Essex Junior Cup, and searching for teams on the internet can lead to making rash conclusions about the quality of the opposition, given that we rarely know anything about the league in which they play.  However our assumption that Great Clacton – bottom of the bottom (of 2) Clacton and District leagues – would be making the 65 mile trip back home having received a good spanking from Sharpy’s purple and black army was proven to be true.

We know that work and non-football related commitments are going to make it almost impossible for Sharpy to name the same team two weeks in a row, and from struggling to find four defenders last week, this week there were at least seven really good options to make up the back four.  The problem this time was in goal, and with Foggy and Liam both being below full match fitness, the absence of Jake and the need for a strong presence in the centre of midfield meant Liam was handed the gloves.  It was also clear to this particular match reporter that the only reason Brian was given the nod at left back was so that team BR-YAN could be formed down the left – I just can’t compete with that!

Subs – Eye-Ball, Rob

It was evident even before the kick-off that we should have too much for the Essex sea-siders, and so it proved with four goals being scored in both halves without Clements ever really getting out of second gear.  Liam actually played really well in goal, and was only denied a clean sheet when, with the score at 4-0 he temporarily forgot that he was in goal and tried to dribble the ball out of his area.  His injury promptly flared up, and a hasty clearance resulted in the surprisingly mobile Clacton forward finding space to cross, to which was applied a tame finish which squirted between Liam’s legs.  Although this resulted in a nomination for DoTD, that honour went to Brian for repeatedly failing to execute a legal throw-in.  See, it’s not easy being a left back…

Robin would have been sadder than anyone to hear (on more than one occasion) that Nathan was hanging up his boots, as a significant proportion of his half dozen or so goals a season came from N.A.T.H.A.Ns (see old match reports for definition).  Fortunately he has found a new ally in Dale, whose long throw into the box was nodded into the corner of the net by the club veteran: 1-0.

If the first goal was old school Stoke, the second was modern day West Ham (match reporter’s prerogative).  Foggy received the ball in the middle of the park, and swept it out wide to Chris on the right.  He then played it forward for Dale, who pulled the ball back into the box where H arrived just at the right time to take a touch and sweep it into the net: 2-0.

With the same three players contributing all ten goals in our opening three games, but with one of these players missing (unlucky Ryan) and another in goal, it was refreshing to see some new names taking their chance to get on the score sheet.  The same three players have been dominating the assists as well, and although H couldn’t claim the goal as the defender headed past his own keeper, he did get the penultimate touch following Luke’s probing ball into the box and so picked up the assist: 3-0.

Sharpy had been making a nuisance of himself, and had been linking up well with his little brother on the left (if Ryan had been there we could have had three sets of brothers on the pitch at the same time – but he had to spoil it).  He hadn’t had much luck when the ball fell to him near the goal, but showed there is more in his armoury than just goals, as a perfect cross from the left was gratefully slotted into the empty net at the back post by Dale: 4-0.

At half time Sharpy made what would have appeared to be the least attacking substitution possible, as he brought on Eye-Ball for the second half in place of Lil’ Ryan.  However, this meant a re-shuffle which saw Brian move to right back, and Luke to the left wing.  We know that Luke likes to get forward when he is at full back, so it was going to be interesting to see what he would do now that he was starting in a more advanced position.

Clements really stepped off the gas in the second half, and it took the aforementioned consolation goal from Clacton to wake them from their doze.  The goals did finally arrive, and the gaffer was much more impressed with our performance in final half hour, as one-twos and smart little triangles saw us play the ball confidently from back to front.

Robin and Dale combined to get us going again with the latter’s out-swinging corner being headed into the net, as Robin once again found himself unmarked in the six yard box: 4-1.

The roll-on-roll-off subs rule in the Essex Cup enabled Sharpy to make two more changes in the second half.  Firstly Rob replaced Alex, who had done a good job in keeping Clacton’s striker quiet – and possibly made a friend for life in the process.  Rob quickly showed that he has the potential to be a natural successor to the other Rob, as within minutes of coming on he had won a crunching header in the box which resulted in Clacton’s substitute leaving the pitch with a gash above the eye – add this to the five minutes the sub was on the pitch, and he must have really felt the 130 mile round trip was worth it.  Actually this isn’t quite how Robin would have done it, as it would have been him having Milesy apply a big slab of Vaseline to his head.

The other change saw Lil’Ryan replace Foggy, who had done extremely well in his first game back in the centre of midfield.  This change resulted in Luke playing in his third position of the day as he joined Dale up front.  This paid off almost instantly when Brian wriggled free in midfield before putting H clear.  With Luke running alongside him H unselfishly played the ball into the young Chaplin’s path, and he slotted home for his first Clements goal.  There was a suspicion of an own goal, but it was allowed to stand: 6-1.

Dale once again benefited from Sharpy’s delivery, as the gaffer raced clear down the left flank, before crossing for Dale to bury with ease: 7-1.

Luke then completed the scoring (unless you believe the referee who thought we scored nine), when he prevented Dale extending his lead in the goal scoring standings further by knocking the ball in just before it crossed the line after Sharpy had put Dale through.  Sharpy was the big loser here, because at least Dale could claim his fourth assist of the game: 8-1.

Dale must be wondering what he has to do to win MoTM, as despite two goals and four assists he still lost out to Robin in a three way vote which also included Luke.  Perhaps the heavy touch that put the ball out for a goal kick when he looked certain to score after being put through by H was still playing on some minds – such are the high standards Dale has set over the last two seasons.  Still, Robin was more than deserving of the award thanks to his two goals that swung the game in our favour in either half, and a typically solid performance at the back.

Next week will be a much tougher test against league leaders Lakeside, but if we play with the confidence and positive attitude with which we approached this game we can definitely come out on top.

Eye-Ball

Next game: Sunday 2^nd November @ home v Lakeside.

Goal scoring chart*

*An assist was credited to Luke last week when Dale actually got the final touch, so this has been corrected. That's the risk of not going down the pub.

Clements Athletic 4 - 2 S.S.C. Orsett

Clements made it three wins out of three, in another game that was more challenging than it should have been.  This was thanks to the ineptitude of the league as we discovered five minutes before kick-off that the referee, who had confirmed the game earlier in the week, wasn’t going to show.  You have to feel for Sharpy, who must be wondering why he ever decided to take on the manager’s role as it has caused him nothing but headaches so far.  Still, he once again showed his commitment to the side by reluctantly offering to referee the game.  Milesy never would have done it, and I don’t think Sharpy will be again.

Although we had very limited options for a starting eleven, the squad was strengthen by the return of club captain Foggy, who stepped in to the heart of defence to partner Robin.  This return is probably earlier than it should be, but with 4 defenders missing there wasn’t really any other option.

Subs: Chris

It soon became clear that this was never going to be a classic, with Orsett realising that they could play an overly physical game, safe in the knowledge that there was very little Sharpy could do about it.  The game was also spoilt by Orsett’s almost constant whinging at every decision, which lead to regular debates that wouldn’t have been out of place on Newsnight.

Still, the task at hand was the same as always – score more goals than the opposition.  The Kenyon brothers got us underway in this quest when Dale hurled a long throw from the right which Ryan got his head to in a crowded six yard box.  The ball looped up and, much to the stand-in (gloveless) keeper’s dismay, dropped under the crossbar and into the net: 1-0.

Clements extended their lead when Liam wriggled free on the touchline and pulled the ball back towards the edge of the six yard box.  Dale reacted quickest, and with one touch pushed the ball round the defender before then slipping it past the keeper with his second: 2-0.

The third goal was started by what is becoming a trademark penetrating run from Luke, who won the ball deep inside our half before beating 3 or 4 players on his way into the opposition penalty area.  The ball ricocheted off a couple of defenders before falling nicely for Liam to side foot into an empty net (which is becoming his own particular trademark).  So for the third game in the row the same three players have scored, which has to be a first: 3-0.

The best other chance of the half was created and almost finished by H, when he slalomed into the box, but couldn’t find the composure or finish to test the keeper.  It also seemed – to Ryan at least – that the ball crossed the line for a fourth time, when his thunderous drive hit the underside of the cross bar before (crossing the line?) bouncing out.

It really should have been a case now of Clements relaxing, soaking up a bit of pressure, maybe scoring a couple more goals and cruising to a victory.  However, a rash challenge from Eye-Ball in the area, as he looked to make up for being beaten by the pass inside the fullback position,  gave Orsett the belief that they could still get something from this game as they converted from the spot.  Sharpy had no option but to award a penalty, and Eye-Ball can really have no complaints for winning the DoTD prize.  Maybe conceding the penalty on its own was not enough to gain this honour, but the rashness of the challenge, and the fact that it prompted an awful 10 minutes for Clements was probably what swung it: 3-1.

This awful 10 minutes ended with Orsett scoring again when their left winger collected the ball with time and space to kill, thanks to the fact that our two wingers were exchanging numbers in the middle of the pitch having responded to Sharpy’s request to swap positions.  The ball was played into the middle, and the forward found space to shoot low under Webby’s body: 3-2.

We limped to half-time knowing that we were going to have to up our game for the second half.  We had allowed ourselves to be bullyed up to this point, and Robin took it upon himself to show that we should be giving as good as we were getting.  His second half performance was colossal, as he won every ball and every battle.  He was excellently supported in the defensive task on the right by Luke, who ensured nothing got down his side, and probably only beat Robin to the MoTM award thanks to his first half attacking runs.

The second half was a pretty turgid affair, with neither side creating many clear cut chances.  Getting the fourth goal was vital, and we thought H had found it when Ryan lifted the ball into the box where it was met six yards out by our marauding midfielder.  Unfortunately, H poked it in the one place the keeper could save it, and the ball squirted away to safety.
Ryan did get the assist he deserved when he was hacked down in the box for the second straightforward penalty decision that Sharpy had to make.  The spot kick was duly dispatch by Dale: 4-2.

The next shout for a penalty game from Orsett, when H brought down their man on the right hand side of the pitch.  It was impossible for Sharpy to tell if the offence had occurred inside or outside the area from 30 yards away, so a closer inspection of the scuff marks was required.  After a careful inspection of the two marks (one inside and one outside the area), Sharpy deduced that a free kick was the correct decision.  This obviously didn’t go down well with the opposition, but in the light of so much uncertainty I believe this is the decision that any referee would have made.

We know that we didn’t play well in this game, which in a way makes it pleasing to still get three points despite not being at our best.  With a good run of fixtures (two weeks off didn’t help), and a regular squad turning up I’m sure we will really start to gel.

Eye-Ball

Next game: Sunday 26^th October @ Home v Great Clacton – Don’t forget the clocks go back, but if you do turn up an hour early you can start putting the goals up!

Goal scoring chart

Thameside 0 - 3 Clements Athletic

The 3-0 score line in this games does not do justice to the dominance of the display, as Clements collected their second win in two against a very poor team who deserved a good thrashing.  Still, given the ridiculous nature of the build-up we should be glad that the game didn’t turn out to be one of those banana skins that these situations sometimes throw up.  Actually, there was more of a risk of slipping on doggy do-do, which was one of the many things that was left to the one side who actually seemed to want a game of football to sort out.  We cleaned up the dog mess, supplied the pegs and net ties and even sorted out the issue of having no referee, with Foggy jumping at the chance to have an excuse for showering.  We should be very grateful to our club captain, as games with a ref supplied by one of the teams far too often end in chaos, but his calmness and honesty (coupled with the indifference of the opposition), meant he was less conspicuous than some of the boys in black we usually have the displeasure of handing over thirty quid to.

With Sharpy picking up a mystery injury, he was left with 14 players to choose from, and this time decided to stick with the tried and tested 4-4-2.  With H now a bonafide central midfielder, we actually put out a side with every player in their preferred position.  One more player made his debut this week, with Alex replacing Robin (and significantly lowering the average age of the side), who was sunning himself in Ibiza (we know what he was really doing, but we wouldn’t say so).

Subs: Jonny, Rob

It was clear pretty much from the kick-off that Clements were by far the better team, but despite this it was hard to create any clear cut chances on an extremely short pitch.  It was hard to get space behind to exploit the pace of our front pair, and there were too many bodies packed around the 18 yard box to make shooting from distance effective.  Still, this didn’t stop us playing some great football, with the midfield pairing of Harry and Jake being particularly impressive.  There is a team joke that if you were to plot Jake’s heat-map, it would basically be a bush fire inside the centre circle.  However, combined with H’s movement and energy it is more like Jake is one of those rotating garden sprinklers, spraying passes into the constantly moving path of H, who is like a small child running gaily around and enjoying getting wet.

When the midfield got a bit crowded, there was always room on the wings for Chris and Ryan, and the opening goal for Clements came as a result of us exploiting this fact.  The goal started in the very bottom corner by our own corner t-shirt (yes, they didn’t have flags either).  Eye-Ball chased for the ball with Thameside’s winger, who he duly disposed before playing the ball up the line to Ryan.  With the players now distributed a little more evenly over the pitch, Ryan found space to run down the line before clipping the ball into the centre, where Dale used his pace to beat keeper and defender to the ball before calmly flicking the bouncing ball into the net with the outside of his right foot: 0-1.

It wasn’t all one way traffic, and it was noticeable from corners how much height we were giving away to the opposition, and Robin’s aerial dominance was definitely missed.  Fortunately any headed chance that did come Thameside’s was either dealt with by Webby before they could attack the ball, or ended with the ball being put wide or over.

I have already mentioned that we had a new recruit in defence, and let’s just say that he isn’t exactly a like-for-like replacement for Robin.  Whereas Robin quietly goes about his business, Alex just doesn’t shut up!  We have been accused of being a bit quiet in the past, so adding a prominent voice is no bad thing, as long as what is emanating from his mouth is positive and constructive.  His presence definitely helped the defence, not only with organisation but also with keeping us awake!  Alex also proved that he’s not bad at defending, as he showed pace and determination to get back and clear the ball onto our cross bar, after the Thameside striker had broken clear and lifted the ball over Webby.

Clements extended their lead before the break, with Ryan once again providing easy pickings for our strikers.  His rasping shot from 20 yards hit the cross bar, and Liam reacted quickest to capitalise and walk the ball into the net after it had ricocheted off keeper and defender: 0-2.

Whilst Dale’s and Liam’s goals may have been similar to the ones they scored last week, the only similarity with the goal that killed the game was Clement’s third scorer.  Luke made one of his many positive runs into the opposition half before playing the ball to Liam who had broken down the right.  He then played a cross into the middle to meet Ryan’s perfectly timed run.  He still had a lot to do, and his volley at waist height with inside of his right boot was pure class, and sets the bar high for goal of the season: 0-3.

We were now playing with the confidence and swagger which had been so prevalent during our double winning season.  Every time someone had the ball, at least two team mates were demanding it, and we broke at pace and in numbers as people sensed the chance of scoring a goal or two.  Even Eye-Ball was getting in on the act, and was putting himself in contention for DOTD with some woeful attempts on goal.  However, Liam was somewhat harshly awarded this honour when he put a header wide from 6 yards with the goal at his mercy.

The last twenty minutes turned into a bit of an anti-climax.  It was ridiculously hot, which might have contribute to the lethargy that seemed to have infected everyone on the pitch.  The one positive was the introduction of Rob and Jonny, who continued the good work of Alex, Brian, Luke and Eye-Ball to ensure that we earned a well-deserved clean sheet.

We may not have scored as many goals as we would have liked, but there were so many positives to take from this game.  None more so than the performance of Harry, who stood head and shoulders above everyone else on the pitch, and deservedly won MOTM.  Every time he got the ball he seemed to create time and space with a combination of strength and nimble footwork which must have left the opposition feeling bamboozled and physically sick.  He never tried to do too much, and looked for and found a team mate before there was any risk of being dispossessed.   I know that it is early days, but with Sharpy’s careful nurturing, it looks like Harry might finally be coming of age.  If only we could convince him that an early night with a hot cup of cocoa is the best way to spend his Saturday nights.

Well done boys, and let’s be ready to put in the extra effort that will be required in two weeks to make sure the momentum isn’t lost.

Eye-Ball

Next game: Sunday 12^th October @ Home v Staines United.

Goal scoring chart

F.C. Deportivo Thurrock 2 - 3 Clements Athletic

As the new season began on a sunny morning at Belhus Park, it was hard to know what to expect.  The level of changes at the club since the end of last season are up there with the mass influx of players three seasons ago, which lead to us romping to a league and cup double.  During the summer we lost our manager and a full team of players, and it is a credit to the guys who were left that at the start of this season we have a new manager (although a very old and familiar face), a new kit (it’s red and there are a choice of sizes!), a new sponsor – The Old Ship Inn, Aveley (get yourself down there and meet Kev and Rudy) and eight new players signed up.  Not only do we not know what to expect of ourselves, but the league also looks completely different, with the four teams remaining from last year’s Division One being joined by the top six from Division 2.  Interestingly this should have been quite a good game to gauge what to expect with the highest finishing team left in Div 1 (us) against the unbeaten Division Two champions – FC Deportivo Thurrock.  Therefore to come out on top thanks to a determined and dramatic comeback should give us great confidence to build on in the upcoming weeks.

The atmosphere before the game was one of excitement and optimism, and it seems that we’ve got a really supportive and likeable group of lads, which will hopefully mean we can build a team spirit that has historically been what has made this such a great club to play for.  Sharpy is quickly proving that he is a manager who is not scared to try something different, but like many of his accumulators, it doesn’t always work out as planned.  Still, you have to try these things, and today’s experiment was to start with a 4-3-3 formation, which included new boys filling some big shoes that had been left by some departing legends.  Making their debuts were Webby in goal, Brian at centre back, Luke at right back and Jake in midfield.  H has struggled to hold down a starting spot upfront in the last couple of years due to the consistent goal scoring antics of Dale and Liam, but impressed last week with Ryan in centre midfield, where his work ethic and determination may help to fill the big hole left by the absence, through injury ,of club captain Foggy.  With Jake complimenting this with composure on the ball and an eye for a pass, and Ryan’s mazy runs we have the making of a formidable midfield when all are fit and work commitments don’t get in the way.

Subs: Chris, Jonny, Lil’ Ryan

The pre-match optimism was soon dented when Clements found themselves behind within the first two minutes.  Webby may be the size of a second row forward, but I didn’t think we would need to  tell him that when playing with a round ball you generally have to tackle the ball and not the man.  Unfortunately it seems he could have done with a reminder when he timed his advance for a diagonal ball across the box perfectly to kick the ball player clear of danger.  It just so happens that the referee was officiating by association football rules, and awarded a penalty which was duly dispatched: 1-0.

Webby soon made up for this indiscretion with a fine spreading block to get Eye-Ball out of jail when his sliced clearance but the Deportivo winger clear through on goal.

The experimental formation really was not working for Clements, as the midfield trio struggled to work out how best to deal with Deportivio’s slick passing and quick breaks that were leaving us exposed at the back and down the flanks.  This resulted in Sharpy and Dale spending more time running backwards than forwards, which meant when we did get the ball Liam was left to chase lost causes.  Sharpy was also discovering how hard it is to manage a side when you’re also trying to remember to put one foot in front of the other and deal with a fast approaching leathery sphere.  His attempts to change the formation to 4-4-2 led to further confusion, but to be fair when H wakes up most mornings not knowing who he is or where he has been, it’s going to take more than an exasperated and wheezy communication of tactics to get across what is required.

Frustration was now boiling over, with H uncharacteristically losing his rag.  Things got worse when Deportivo’s burly striker found room on the edge of the box to get the ball out of his feet and smash it into the corner of the net: 2-0.

Clements did now start to settle into the game, and despite Deportivo’s overall height advantage our best chances to score came from set pieces with both Robin and Sharpy getting into good heading positions, which unfortunately came to nothing.  With many balls being over hit both from midfield and Webby’s hands, we struggled to create any sustained pressure, and the half ended disappointedly with a number of angry exchanges.

Something had to change for the second half.  Firstly Sharpy took himself off for Chris, who played on the right with Ryan returning to a more familiar position on the left.  Change in personnel would not be enough, as we needed to start fighting for each other again, rather than with each other.

The improvement was almost instantaneous with H and Jake growing in confidence and gradually controlling the midfield, which in turn exposed Deportivo’s one dimensional approach of aiming for their big striker, who was being given no change by Brian and Robin.  With Chris linking up with the midfield and strikers this also allowed Luke to own the right side of our half, whereas in the first half he had to fill the entire side of the pitch.  Ryan was also now able to do what he does best, and exploit the space on the left.

Deportivo’s pacey defence had been comfortable with the ball played on the deck through the middle, but we finally exposed their weakness thanks for a ball over the top from H that landed in the corridor of uncertainty between the penalty spot and 18 yard box.  Defenders and keeper were left dancing the salsa whilst Liam glided through to scuff the ball into an empty net (I really didn’t think it was going to make it over the line at one point!): 2-1.

This goal came early enough in the second half for Clements to seriously believe they could get back in the game.  We were now on top, and some of the passing in triangles was a joy to watch and what many of us have been waiting to see consistently from this team.  This team play was capped by Ryan K’s individual brilliance as he received the ball from Dale on the right, and evaded a couple of challenges before finishing superbly across the keeper with his left foot: 2-2.

Despite the obvious risks involved with changing the side with the game in the balance, it was great to see Sharpy stand by his promise to get everyone on the pitch, with Lil’ Ryan and Jonny replacing Luke and Robin.  With Jonny being a returning club legend, I thought I would look for the last game in which he played, and was shocked to see that he has never featured in an Eye-Ball affiliated match report, which means it has been over 6 years since he pulled on a shirt for this club.  Well, he is going to get his moment in the lime-light now, as he was leading the last ditch defensive effort that kept Deportivo from scoring in a torturous ten minute spell in which Jonny’s face (twice), Webby’s sizeable frame, multiple Clements bodies (including some brave and painful interventions from Lil’ Ryan), the foot of the post and a spot of luck when a suicidal pass from Eye-Ball ended thankfully with the Deportivo player firing wide, left us thinking we might just get away from this game with a point.

As it was, our collective effort ended up earning us all three points when in the dying seconds Chris showed composure and strength on the right to hold off the Deportivo striker before playing the ball up the line to Ryan.  He then lifted the ball forward into the corridor of uncertainty that had brought earlier success.  Once again this tactic paid off when this time Dale got between the defenders and beat the outrushing keeper to the ball to poke it past him into the net: 2-3. 

Sharpy’s tears of laughter brought on by Jonny’s ball-to-face interactions turned to tears of joy as his seeming dead and buried team pulled off a remarkable comeback which will send shockwaves through the rest of the league who will expect Deportivo to be serious challengers for the league title.  A fantastic result, and one we should be very proud of.  However, we shouldn’t get carried away and must not forget the moments in the game when we didn’t cover ourselves in glory, but have within our power to cut out.

 One of Sharpy’s innovations that will hopefully bring a bit to fun to the dressing room is to introduce player nominated Man of the Match and Dick of the Day.  Man of the Match is self explanatory, but I was less sure what type of behaviour would earn Dick of the Day status.  If Webby (clumsy penalty) and Eye-Ball (please don’t play it out from the back) thought they were in with a chance of winning the award they shouldn’t have worried, as Sharpy’s half time tantrum made him the unanimous choice.  If this is what wins the Dick of the Day award, most of us should be safe, with just a few having to worry.  Ryan K deservedly won the Man of the Match award (no subs and a drink from the DOTD), for a second half performance that saw him score one, set up one and generally take the game to the opposition.  Honourable mentions to Brian - who has expectantly emerged as a rock solid option in the centre of defence – and Foggy, who I think is the first player to ever join the post-match shower orgy without even being available to play (surely taking captain responsibilities too far!).

Goal scoring chart

Next game: Sunday 28^th September, Away v Thameside @ The Billet

                                                                                                                

Clements Athletic 3 - 4 Tyrells Hall Pirates

It would have been nice to finish the season with a win, but despite losing it still felt like we were going out on a high, as we gave our all in, once again, challenging circumstances.  We played our part in making this an enjoyable, light-hearted and well fought finale for both teams.  We scored some really good goals and took our hats of to a couple of ridiculous long range efforts from our opponents.

With a goal keeper with a fractured thumb, a winger with a broken wrist, a central midfielder with ongoing ankle problems and another midfielder with a hernia you may think Clements would have to throw in the towel.  However, we are made of sterner stuff and by putting Dale in goal and Conor on the right to form some sort of NHS tag team with Ryan, we were able to get eleven men on the pitch.  Bunny was willing to battle on through the pain, and Foggy was even prepared to take the linesman's flag despite hardly being able to move (which to be honest hasn't seemed important to a lot of the linesman you see in the Sunday League).  Oh, and our skipper was missing which left a gaping hole in the centre of defence.  However, Alan was on hand to slot in without complains to play in at least his fifth different position this season.

It quickly became clear that Liam and H were capable of causing Pirates' centre back pairing problems, and the best early chance fell to Liam who swivelled and hit a low shot into the corner with his left foot.  Unfortunately, with the chance falling on his weaker side, the effort lacked power and the keeper was able to get down and turn the ball round the post.

Pirates took the league rather fortuitously as Dale was understandably caught cold when a low shot was fired in that seemed to be well within his reach.  However, his attempt at stopping the ball was reminiscent of the lazy boundary fielder who, rather than deploying the long barrier, simply pushes the ball over the ropes (in this case into the corner of the net): 0-1.

Clements responded through Tapsell, who decided to try a different approach having been well below his usual goal scoring standards this season (what has happened to the trademark back post header?).  The ball was played to H on the edge of the area, and with his back to goal he laid it off to Tapsell.  Before any complaints could be made about the lay-off being onto Tapsell's weaker side, the ball was curling from his left foot, over the keeper and into the net: 1-1.

Dale has been the top assister this season, and a small inconvenience like being in goal wasn't going to stop him adding to his tally.  The bounce from his long ball was read better by H than the defender, and our man raced clear.  5 goals in two weeks has seen some of the old swagger return, and with the keeper off his line (again), H calmly chipped the ball over his head and into the net: 2-1.

Despite Pirates' greater possession, Clements were working hard to keep them out of the penalty area.  Unfortunately this didn't help us when the ball sat up nicely on the edge of the area and was smashed into the net: 2-2.

There was still time for Dale to redeem himself with a fine low save that kept us level going into the break.

Bunny was really struggling by this time, and really should have come off at half time.  However, we had no one to replace him, and he wasn't going to let us play on with ten men.  I'm sure he wont mind me saying that subsequently we played the second half with ten and a half men, and at times it was backs to the wall.  However, everyone worked hard to track back and help the defence, and at times Liam was our deepest man!

Pirates pulled two goals clear through another long range effort and a back post header, but Dale stopped the scoreline looking even worse with a fine reaction save from another accurate cross: 2-4.

Clements had some good chances of their own, with one particular chance being created by Ryan and Conor, who combined well down the right with the sort of passing and moving that we would love to see more of.  Unfortunately Ryan's lung bursting  run ended with him missing the target.

Clements pulled one back to make the last ten minutes a little more interesting when Tapsell spotted Liam's run on the left, and lifted a delightful ball over the defence for our striker to chase.  Liam deserved a goal for his hard work throughout the game, and held off the defender before lifting the ball over the keeper and into the net: 3-4.

We were running on empty by now and were not able to find an equaliser, but as the final whistle blew we could at least be pleased with the part we had played in an entertaining and competitive match.

When the season started back in September we were not really too sure what to expect, with a new manager and a lot of new players.  Despite the ups and downs I think we should be pleased with both our league position and the way we have come through the season, especially when you see the number of teams who have struggled to put out sides or have folded all together.  A big thank you should go to Alec, as without his commitment and hard work I do not think we would have made it through the season.  Taking over from a manager who has been doing the job for so long was never going to be easy (ask David Moyes), and when you add to this fluctuating squad numbers, incorporation of new players, being left in the lurch by your co-manager, and the poor communication skills and ridiculous monetary demands of the league we should be very grateful that Alec stuck with us all the way through the season.  He has decided not to carry on next season, so once again we are looking for someone else to take on the role.  On the plus side it seems like the core of the squad want to stay together, which means whoever does take over will have a strong, young and ever improving team that can be very competitive in this tough division.

I know we will try and arrange a post/pre-season drink up, but in the mean time I hope everyone has a great summer whether that involves playing cricket, soaking up the sun or exercising your drinking arm.

Eye-Ball

Goal scoring chart

Congratulations to Dale to winning the golden boot for the second season in a row, but he was pushed close by Liam, who finished one goal behind.