You could say that the Oaks were lucky to meet Beauchamps on a day when they were severely under-strength, but the signal the result sends out to the rest of the league is still undiminished: offer the Oaks any charity and they will bite your arm off. As well as doing wonders for our goal difference (whilst destroying Beauchamp's), this win extended the gap at the top to two points with 3 games in hand over Socketts Heath, who moved into second with a comprehensive win over Jurgens. Recent results have suggested that the most valuable six points we have picked up this season have come from Jacks Lads, who look to be the form team of the rest. Their win against Wilburn would have seriously damaged their chances of getting out of this league, and with games against Thameside, Stanford Wanderers and Wilburn still to come Jacks Lads could well prove to be allies to the Oaks in the race for the title.
We've already surpassed our total points for the last two seasons (26 and 27), so I think we can safely say we've improved.
Without knowing about the numerical deficiency of the opposition, Milesy decided to start the game with a 4-5-1 formation in an attempt to nullify the threat Beauchamps had caused the previous week through their one man advantage in midfield. This meant a start in the middle for Bunny, whilst Nick took up the lone-striker role. The only other change from the previous week was Eye-Ball returning to the side at the expense of Browne.
Line up:
ppppppppppppppppTy
Deano (c)ppppppRobppppNikippppEye-Ball
NathanppBunnyppMikey BppTapsellppRyan
pppppppppppppppNick
subs: Joe, Sharpy, Browne, Luke, Al, Harry
It's not often I write about goal fests of this nature, but when I do I find the best approach is get the opposition's contribution out of the way first so we can concentrate on what we all want to hear.
Like most teams with ten men, Beauchamps started brightly and looked a match for the Oaks who had a woeful first fifteen minutes. Passes were going astray, first touches were awful and we just couldn't get the ball down and play. Despite this Beauchamps weren't able to cause too many difficulties during this, or any period of the game. Their chances were limited to a free kick that skidded on the wet surface and forced Ty to show his experience and composure to guide the ball over the bar, a good run and cross from the tricky skipper that was cut out by Niki, an in swinging corner that was dealt with by Tapsell, and a free kick in the second half that dipped in the wind and saw Ty scrambling and stretching to keep the ball out of his unadulterated net. That really is about it; for any other attempt to penetrate the Oaks' back four all you need to know is that the defensive unit stood firm, supported each other and did what needed to be done to preserve the clean sheet.
Before the first goal went in other chances went begging, including a crazy game of goal mouth pinball as attempts from various players following a set piece saw the ball bounce out off players and posts, and across the goal line, numerous times before finally being cleared. Ryan also created a good chance for himself when he found time to shoot from the right, but the keeper got down well to make a good save.
Even when the first goal did arrive most of us weren't sure that it had. Receiving the ball in the middle, Taps played the ball behind the defence to Nick. He then descended on the goal and from a tight angle squeezed the ball home off the goal keeper. This cued (or more accurately "didn't cue") the worst ever celebrations of a goal as most of us (including the ref) were unclear as to whether Nick had actually scored. The referee even admitted to Nick after the game that our lack of reaction almost lead him to conclude that he should award a goal kick. Fortunately the true outcome was soon made clear, and the Oaks were grateful to be lifted of some of the pressure that a one man advantage can bring when all is expected to be so easy: 0-1.
We knew we would need (and should expect to get) more than one, and it was our Captain Marvel Deano who broke any spirit that the opposition still had as he rose salmon-Esq to guide Tapsell's ball into the box following a corner past the helpless keeper: 0-2.
There were a few real gems in this eleven goal thriller, of which the third was defintely one. Ryan picked up the ball and crossed perfectly from the bye-line with his left foot to meet the run of Nick who opened up his right foot to glide the ball into the far corner of the net: 0-3.
The fourth goal - a N.A.T.H.A.N - needs little explanation, and Rob was on hand to finish the job with his dependable (and bruised and battered) noggin. We've been a bit worried about Rob, as up until the last few weeks, not only had he not scored (which is unheard of for someone who is usually a guaranteed five goals a season), but he hadn't split his head open once. Fortunately his third goal of the campaign, and the evident bruises and wounds on his head show, reassuringly, that normal service has been resumed: 0-4.
By this point I could sense thoughts wandering towards the goals and assits chart as everyone looked to get forward at any opportunity. All that is apart from Niki, who is a man who takes his defensive marital vows very seriously - til death do us part and all that. Given such pre-occupations, it was therefore surprising to see Nathan display such sympathy for the destroyed opposition, as he found himself through one-on-one with the keeper. If this had been a pie eating contest you might have given the keeper some hope of winning this duel, but with athleticism and footballing ability being more beneficial attributes at this point the smart money was on Nathan to walk the ball around the keeper and slot home into an empty net. As it was Nathan decided to throw him the proverbial Pukka pie, and could only watch as his side foot shot past the keeper from 20 yards drifted agonisingly wide.
Despite this disappointment Nathan wasn't to be denied twice, and lifted the ball high past the keeper from much closer range after being played in by Nick: 0-5.
A five goal cushion at half time meant that Milesy had the freedom to make changes, but given the possibility of injuries, and the fact that an eleventh man had turned up for Beauchamps, only two substitutions were made with Sharpy replacing Nick, and Al replacing Tapsell. The Oaks reverted to a familiar 4-4-2 with Bunny patnering Mikey in the middle, Al playing on the right and Nathan joining Sharpy up top.
The smell of Beauchamps blood was now spurring on the Oaks pack, and one vulture in particular had been circling in the 10 minutes leading up to half time; shorts on and ready to feast on the dismembered scraps of carcass that had been left strewn across the pitch by the starting eleven's brutal assault in the first half. Ten minutes later Sharpy was celebrating a hat-trick which quadrupled his goals for the season.
Now whatever you say about Sharpy, it can't be denied that things always happen when he is on the pitch. In the past these "things" have often been non football related and detrimental to the Oaks cause. However, he is also renowned for getting into good positions and creating chances to score. It's no surprise then that he should have the upper hand against a disorganised and dejected Beauchamps defensive unit. I'm not going to associate either of the suggested terms with his hat-trick ("sublime" and "Mickey Mouse" were the suggestions if you're interested), but I will say that it was both pleasing and entertaining to finally see Sharpy with a smile on his face, and if kicking a team when they are down is what it takes, let the kicking continue.
The first goal was simplicity itself, as Sharpy just about managed to make the slightest of contacts off his shoulder from a N.A.T.H.A.N. to help the ball on its path into the far the corner: 0-6.
Goal number two of the hat-trick again saw Nathan and Sharpy linking up. Sharpy rose well and called for Nathan to be ready to latch on to the flick-on. Nathan duly obliged, and played the ball back to his strike partner who swept the ball first time to the keeper's left and into the bottom of the net: 0-7.
Sharpy's hat-trick goal was the best finish of the three as he fired low past the keeper from close range following a good through ball from Bunny: 0-8.
*INTERMISSION*
Sharpy's hat-trick got me thinking about previous feats of this nature (there was plenty of time for thinking at the back). The game that immediately sprung to mind was the 10-3 demolition of FC Deportivo Thurrock in 2008 when Sharpy scored a double hat-trick. The 2008/09 season was the first that I began to keep accurate records of games and scorers, and since then there have now been 6 Oaks hat-tricks. The two in one game for Sharpy - he went on to score 21 goals in that season - were followed by two from Nathan in the 2009/10 season when Sharpy only made 13 appearances and Nathan stepped in as a lone-striker for many of the games. His hat-tricks came in a 6-3 defeat to AFC Blackshots and a 3-0 win against Lakeside. Nathan's aim of out-doing Sharpy's goal tally from the previous year didn't quite happen as he finished with a very respectable 19 goals. Sharpy returned full time (more or less) in 2010/11 and picked up his third hat-trick in a 9-1 demolition of Kaktus (I think the vulture analogy is justified).
It's probably obvious that over the last 4 seasons the majority of our goals have come from Sharpy and Nathan, but I wonder if they realised how close their goal tallies are over this time. Before this game, Nathan had just over-taken Sharpy with 40 goals compared to Sharpy's 39. With Nathan only netting the once in this game Sharpy has now taken the lead with 42 against Nathan's 41. Whilst I have no idea how many goals each can claim prior to 2008/09, I'm sure Sharpy will be looking back and thinking what might have been if he had played more games in this time rather than letting his heart rule his head on so many occasions.
*END OF INTERMISSION*
Milesy made his final substitution, and decided to give Deano a well deserved early bath (not technically true as Deano is in the SDG - Soap Dodgers Gang - but you know what I mean). This meant a bit of a reshuffled, with the arm band passing to Nathan who begrudgingly moved to centre midfield, whilst Mikey moved to right back (an experience he described as being the most boring he has had in an Oaks shirt) and Harry came on to attempt to get in on the goal scoring action.
With Sharpy continuing to keep us entertained with comical misses it was down to other Oaks players to take on the job of putting the ball in the net, and the 9th goal was definitey worth waiting for. Bunny won possession just outside the box, and as the ball came down he smashed it on the half volley sending it like a rocket out of reaching of the despairing reach of the keeper into the far corner, and literally pulling the pegs out of the ground. A goal of such quality was wasted on this game, but a great goal it was nonetheless, and a clear contender for the non-existent goal of the season award: 0-9.
Some argue that the linesman's flag should have prevented H from getting on the score sheet, but the only thing Tapsell had raised was his phone to his ear, and with both Sharpy and H clear on the defense Sharpy gave H the easiest of tap ins. 0-10.
It was fitting that Ryan scored the eleventh and final goal as his tireless running down the left had epitomised all that was good about this performance. A throw-in from Nathan in the right back position was meant to be collected by Ryan on the half way line, but a Beauchamps player made it into an even better ball as he headed it back towards his on goal for Ryan to run on to. He still had a lot to do, but under pressure in the box turned inside his marker and then back outside before supplying the clinical finish with his left foot: 0-11.
I shouldn't finish without giving some credit to the way Beauchamps conducted themselves despite such a heavy defeat. You may say that they should be disappointed with themselves for not putting up more of a fight, but at least they could see the funny side and didn't look to spoil the game as some might in this situation.
It was great to be able to relax, knowing that the 3 points were in the bag from so early on in the game, but we musn't let this make us complacent. Next week we come up against another unknown quantity in Socketts Heath, and we are going to need to be at our best to make sure they realise that any hopes they might have of preventing the Oaks Athletic being engraved on the Division two league winners trophy at the end of the season are mere delusions.
Eye-Ball
Next Game: Sunday 11th March @ home v Socketts Heath: 10:30 K.O.
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