As any seasoned practitioner of Cock or Ball will tell you,
sometimes what appears to obviously be ball, when viewed from a different angle
or under a new light, materialises into the most blatant cock you’ve ever seen.
However, it takes the most experienced veterans to consider the possibility
that it might in fact be a bit of both, which just goes to show that things are
rarely black or white.
Today’s game can be viewed in the same way, with some seeing
only cock, and others leaving with an eyeful of bull. Taking a step back to take in the bigger
picture reveals that, in reality the best team won, and maybe even would have
done if all 13 players we had available played to the best of their individual
and collective ability. Also, the score
line may look pretty demoralising, but 15 minute periods at the start and the
end of the game when we lost our heads (got any more of that Viagra Sharpy?)
and conceded four pretty soft goals, were the balls around an hour of cock,
when we worked our socks of and had the opposition sweating on a slender lead.
*Competitive debut
The game didn’t get off to the best of starts as we waited
for the opposition in our resplendent new blue kit, only for them to emerge
also wearing blue. As the away team, the
error was ours, but luckily there were enough orange bibs for the game to be
able to go ahead.
As has already been mentioned, we started pretty awfully,
and seemed unable to keep the ball for more than two or three passes. Pretty much the only chance we had was a
speculative effort from Dempsey 35 yards out, which flew high and wide
(definitely a fine). Mossops had the luxury of pace upfront, and a
very willing and clever runner in the shape of their number 9. For the first goal, he caught our defence
flat footed and raced onto a ball over the top to slot home past Foggy. The second was just as disappointing as
Mossops’ midfielder collected the ball in the box, and drew the last defender
before playing it across to the unmarked man in the middle, who finished
smartly into the bottom corner: 2-0.
We could have collapsed at this point, but it was promising
to see that we started to get into the game, with the most likely route being
down the left, where Dempsey and Liam were interchanging incisive through balls. However, when our goal came it was from a
more direct route, with Luke C’s initial attempt to put the ball into the box
being cleared as far as Brian, who lifted the ball back into the danger zone
where Blakely took a fantastic first touch eight yards out, before smashing the
ball into the roof of the net. The
referee, who was strong and decisive throughout the game, ignored the
linesman’s flag, having ruled that Blakey wasn’t one of the players the
assistant had spotted as being offside: 2-1.
We continued to look shaky every time the ball was played over
the top, but made it to half time without any further scares. Despite Robin’s heroic efforts, it was
obvious that the exploits of the previous night (and early morning) had left
him a shadow of his former self, and so Sharpy was forced to make one change
with Dempsey moving into midfield and Sharpy going up top. One more change was made during the second
half with James being replace by another debutant, Martin – aka Craig Rivieros.
For two thirds of the second half we were more than a match
for the opposition, with Luke and Dempsey finding a bit more room in the
middle, and creating opportunities to release Liam and James down the
flanks. Sharpy’s introduction gave us
more of an aerial threat, and his flick-ons and general belligerence started
adding a little more threat to our attack.
New man Mike – a natural winger - may have been forced to play more with
his back to goal than he would have like, but he willingly did the job the team
needed him to do, and was often back deep helping on the right. We also looked a little more settled at the
back with Blakey now calling the shots, but we were still frustratingly wasteful
in possession, and too often found ourselves on the back foot when we should
have been building pressure in the final third.
Unfortunately it was Mossops who made the decisive move,
with the number 9 again proving our nemesis as he made progress down the left,
before somehow finding the far bottom corner from a tight angle: 3-1.
Despite again losing our composure following the
disappointment of the third goal, we came agonisingly close to reducing the deficit
to a single goal again, as Liam played the ball to Sharpy, who was unmarked in
the box. He looked to have lost the
opportunity to score as he elected to take a touch rather than hit the ball
first time, but then did really well to bring the ball in on his favoured left,
and make room for the shot. A net did
bulge as a result of Sharpy’s shot, but it was the one protecting the building
behind the goal rather than the one between the posts.
Any extra impotence we may have been galvanising for the
last 5 minutes was soon expelled as the ball was cut out by Mossops centre
half, who advanced unchallenged towards the half way line before floating the
ball over Foggy, who had been caught out by the unexpected loss of
possession. The referee’s whistle blew
soon afterwards, and we were left to trudge back to the changing room where the
Cock and Ball reflections would begin: 4-1.
We always say that we win and lose as a team, and although
many players were big enough to hold their hands up and admit they simply did
not play well enough, two who had no such confessions to make were Foggy and
Blakey. The former was immense in goal,
especially when coming through the crowd on a number of occasions to claim the
ball whilst under extreme pressure from Mossops’ many aerial threats. He also pulled off a fine one-on-one save in
the second half at a time when were still searching for an equaliser. Blakey was equally impressive, despite being
drugged up due to tonsillitis. Not only
did he open our scoring account for the season, but his influence was clear to
see both in midfield and at centre back.
It was therefore fitting that Foggy and Blakey shared the MoTM
award. DoTD wasn’t really discussed in
detail, but it seems that H wins it by default unless there is a strong
argument for someone else – sorry H, you’ll have to take it up with the
manager.
Goal scoring chart
I’ve decided not to include the stats for last
week’s Memorial Cup game, mainly because this fixture theoretically belongs to
last season, and is related to a competition we dismissed as a complete waste of
our time. The match provided a useful
friendly against Scruttons, who are also in our league this year, and despite
losing 1-0 following an early free kick, we saw what we are capable of if the
majority of the squad are available. We
really did play some fantastic football with a 4-3-3 formation, which Sharpy
was willing to try despite being one he is still not convinced by; if that is
how we want to play it is up to us to win him round. Liam deservedly won the MoTM award, despite
missing a penalty which was all of his own making as he ran with the ball from
one box to the other before being brought down.
H was handed the DoTD award for throwing his toys out of the pram, and
haranguing his way into the book.
