Oaks Athletic 5 - 0 Laird Athletic

The Oaks finished the season in style with their second win in as many weeks against a weak Laird Athletic. We really couldn’t have asked for a better final game, which at times felt more like a friendly than a competitive league game. It’s great to finish the year with a win, but even more satisfying was putting in a performance which put the icing on the cake of what has been both a challenging and enjoyable season. The stats don’t tell the whole story, but we’ve finished with more wins than defeats, scored more goals than we’ve conceded and could finish the league as high as 6^th, which would make us the winners of the “best of the rest” league.

What is more pleasing for me is the commitment and team spirit we have maintained throughout the season. We played the majority of the season with a core squad of 15 players, and never once put out less than eleven men, and 12 of those 15 played some part in at least 20 of the 24 games (even if it was just turning up). A special mention must go to Nick, who was the only player to play in all 24 league and cup games (not that this helped his goal tally much – sorry Nick!). This season was also unprecedented in terms of goal scorers, with 16 of the 19 players who played during the season scoring at least one goal. This included first goals in Oaks colours for Eye-Ball and Ty (more on that to follow), which now leaves Milly as the only regular Oaks player not to have scored for the side.

Anyway, enough of analysing the numbers (you’d think I’d get enough of that at work), let’s get on with the action.

Rumours are always flying around (although I’ve never seen it) that Milesy will shake up the team for the final game if there is nothing in particular riding on it. However, whether it is old age or pride, he wasn’t going to start this game with anything but his strongest side:

pppppppppppppppppTyrone (GK)

Deano(RB) Nathan (c) (CB) Rob (CB) Eye-Ball (LB)

Jordan (RM) pp Gollum (CM)pp Mikey (CM) Scott (LM)

pppppppppppppp Sharpy (CF)ppppNick (CF)

Subs: Aaron, Parker

It was clear that the Oaks meant business from the start, and were soon passing the ball around with confidence. Nick in particular seemed to be on inspired form (perhaps spurred on by the fact that he was originally named amongst the substitutes) as he showed what a valuable player he can be by holding the ball up and laying it off to one of the many Oaks players who were desperate to get a hold of the ball. This also seemed to be a rare occasion where he had the beating of his marker for pace, which meant we had another way of exploiting the space that Nathan had discovered Laird like to leave behind the back four when the two sides met last week.

It wasn’t long until the deadlock was broken, and it was fitting reward that Nick should be involved as he flicked on Deano’s throw in inside the area. Sharpy was on hand to aim a shot on goal, but was probably pleased his first effort was blocked as it gave him the opportunity to pull out an audacious back-heel which eluded the keeper and the two men on the line: 1-0.

Two more goals were to follow in reasonably quick succession, as the referee awarded two soft penalties to the Oaks. For the first penalty the referee adjudged that the Laird defender had felled Nick from behind as he looked to collect the ball from a throw in (timber!), and the second was for hand ball following a flick on from the man of the moment (yes you’ve guessed it), Nick.

You may think that, with the score at 1-0, you would want your number one penalty taker to step up to the spot. However, such was our dominance that surely it wouldn’t matter if this first penalty was missed. It was therefore offered to the two players on the pitch who were yet to score for the Oaks this season, and as Gollum wasn’t interested in a “cheap” goal, Tyrone sprinted up from his own penalty area to fill his boots. Having famously scored 30 goals in a season in a previous re-incarnation as a prolific striker, we were all confident that Ty would score, and with a drop of the left shoulder he calmly slotted the ball home in the now vacant right hand side of the goal. Apparently not having to pick the ball out of the net was the most satisfying thing as he skipped back to his own box: 2-0.

With Nathan playing at centre-back, and Sharpy now 4 goals clear at the top of the standings, you may think he would offer the second kick to someone with less ticks on the score sheet. However, charity begins at home, and having already given up one kick he wasn’t about to miss out on another opportunity to get a mention in the match report. To be fair Sharpy showed why he is the number one taker as he smashed the ball low and hard to the keeper’ss right to more or less finish the game inside the first half an hour: 3-0.

The chances kept coming, including no less than three lob attempts from Nick, Mikey and the closest from Gollum. Scott also had a good low shot well saved by the Laird goal keeper. The one negative in the half was losing Sharpy – who would have surely gone on to score three or four – to injury. This meant a reshuffle with Nathan going up front, Deano moving to centre back, Eye-Ball going to right back and Aaron replacing him on the left.

The only opportunity of note for Laird in the first half was almost a carbon copy of how they had scored in the previous week, but this time it was Rob catching the under-hit back-pass bug. Fortunately Ty was on hand this time to nonchalantly lift the ball clear of the striker and run it out to safety.

The second half was a bit more of a messy affair, with the Oaks frequently conceding free-kicks in an around the area. No, that isn’t a misprint we really did concede them inside the area as well. I think Deano was attempting to play a gentle back-pass to Ty, but perhaps the previous week’s blunder was still playing on his mind as he returned the ball with the pitching wedge rather than the putter. A surprised Ty had no option but to clutch the ball from above his head and hence prevent it going into the net. The referee who could only be described as “poor” at best then showed a total lack of knowledge of the laws of the game as he tried to award the free-kick from where Deano had kicked it rather than where Ty had caught it. When Laird did finally convince him to move the kick closer to the goal he then allowed Deano to charge down the kick before it had been taken – by the time they hit it against him he couldn’t have been more than three yards from the ball. We weren’t about to complain as we were determined to keep a clean sheet in our final game.

I think this target was also shared by the midfield and Mikey in particular who, despite joining as a potential striker, has shown himself to be a man who prides himself on fulfilling his defensive duties. He might not have many goals in the For column this year, but can take a lot of credit, along with General Gollum, for our defence being a lot meaner in recent weeks.

There is a strong possibility that this would be Nathan’s last game for the Oaks, and as such I’m sure he would have been desperate to get on the score sheet one last time. Mikey gave him the perfect opportunity as he timed his pass out to Nathan to perfection, who raced into the area but was denied by the far post.

Nathan may have been struggling to score himself, but claimed the assist for the fourth goal from his trademark long throw. We’ve scored many goals from this weapon, but I’m sure this would have been more satisfying for Nathan than any other as the ball glanced off the head of Gollum from 2 yards out and into the net. We’ve seen Gollum miss from this sort of distance before, but on this occasion we were able to breathe a sigh of relief as Mr Webb reminded us of his time as a prolific(ish) Oaks front man. So Gollum had his goal, and although Nathan put it on a plate for him, I don’t think he’ll be describing it as “cheap”: 4-0.

The determination to keep a clean sheet continued, and everyone was doing their bit with Aaron and Ty making stand out contributions. When One Eye-Ball Paul (having lost a contact lens in the first half) was literally catapulted from the pitch following a challenge with two Laird players the ball broke for the speedy Laird striker who had the now vacant right back position to exploit. He hadn’t banked on Aaron covering round from the left, and knowing he wouldn’t be able to compete for pace he put in a superbly timed tackle to dispossess the striker. In another phase of play Ty then pulled off a great double save as he could only parry the initial shot, and threw himself in front of the Laird player who had latched onto the rebound.

The chances continued to come for the Oaks, with Jordan and Scott exchanging crosses with both coming close to scoring. Gollum was then replaced by Parker, who went out on the right. He showed his attacking threat (despite lacking pace), but didn’t seem too interested in helping out with defending claiming an injury following an innocuous collision out near the touch line.

The script writers finally gave us the perfect ending we had been waiting for, as we played our favourite game of Where’s Robbie? We finally spotted him running to the right corner to collect a throw in from Parker and put the ball into the box. Now surely he had got too much on this one, and no one would be able to get on the end of it. Cue Nathan, who leapt head and shoulders above everyone else to fire a bullet header into the top left hand corner of the goal. No body else on the pitch (and very few in the Thurrock Sunday League) would have been able to score this goal, and it could be that this was a very fitting way for Nathan to finish his long (if not too short for a man of his age) career with the Oaks. This was to be Nathan’s last touch, and the last significant piece of action in the game which ended in an emphatic 5-0 victory to the Oaks.

The Oaks captaincy is becoming something of a poisoned chalice, with first Stuart and now Nathan being forced to retire because of injuries, from which they have accepted the pain they would feel for much of the week to enable them to present the Oaks on a Sunday morning. Are you sure you want to take on the arm-band Deano?

I won’t be able to do Nathan justice here, but don’t feel I should sign off without writing a few lines about our Captain Marvel. I’m sure no one would disagree that Nathan is our best player, and may also be the first name on the list of the Oaks all-time first eleven (Milesy and Deano would need to confirm that). Nathan could walk into most teams in the Sunday league, but has epitomised what Sunday football – and playing for the Oaks especially - should be all about, as he has chosen to stay loyal to his friends (and family) whilst sacrificing the chance to play at a higher level. An outstanding athlete, who dominates in the air and in the tackle. A great touch and cracking right foot – some of the goals he has scored from close to the right bye-line have been quite remarkable. Pace and determination in abundance, and an unselfish willingness to set up others rather than go for goal himself. And how can we forget the 30 yard throw ins that have given many a keeper nightmares.

As a captain Nathan has been inspirational, and has always led by example. We’ll miss him hugely as a member of the team, and will miss him on the pitch as a friend, although I’m sure we’ll still see him off it. I’m sure he’ll still also be the first to get on my back if the match report is slow in coming! All the best for the future Nathan, and if you ever feel like making a comeback just remember that it’ll mean dislodging Parker from the right wing!

(One) Eye-Ball

p.s. thank you all for a great season, and for reading these reports (it makes them worth writing). Although we’ve got a few friendlies, I’m going to sign off for this season and have a much need break. See you avid readers again in September.

Laird Athletic 1 - 4 Oaks Athletic

The Oaks are renowned for their meticulous preparation, which on this occasion was hindered by the fact that this game was not confirmed until late on Friday. While this is an important factor for what was at times a comical performance, we could also site the scorching weather (although Nick possibly got a bit carried away to compare it to Jamaica), hard pitch, two week break and lack of urgency against a very poor (although determined) Laird side. So although the win looks more convincing on paper than in reality, at least we won and have next week to show Laird what we are really capable of on our home pitch.

Given that Laird were an unknown quantity Milesy wanted to start cautiously, and with Milly missing decided to start with Nathan at the back rather than in a more attacking position:

pppppppppppppppppppTyrone (GK)

ppDeano(RB) Nathan (c) (CB) Rob (CB) Eye-Ball (LB)

pParker (RM) Gollum (CM) Mikey (CM) Scott (LM)

pppppppppppppSharpy (CF) Nick (CF)

Subs: Jimmy, Aaron

It soon became evident that Laird’s league position was a true reflection of their ability, with the only threat they posed being a goal keeper with a thunderous kick, and a speedy forward. However, we appeared to be finding it hard to drag ourselves above their level, as first touches turned the second ones into tackles, and the final balls went flying long, high and wide of their target. Despite this we were creating the better chances to score – mainly from corners and throw-ins – and looked relatively untroubled at the back.

Regular followers of the Oaks will be only too aware that the words “comfortable” and “untroubled”, when associated with our side, are usually followed by me describing how the opposition fortuitously took the lead against the run of play. I’m not one for breaking with tradition, and it was a rare error from Deano that lead to Laird being first to register on the score sheet. Having tracked his man well, he was first to the through-ball, and perhaps not wanting to replicate Eye-Ball’s over hit back pass from earlier that saw Tyrone “don’t make me run” Owen breaking into a sweat to try and keep the ball in, Deano’s attempted back pass was horribly under hit and the striker gratefully ran on to the ball and finished well passed a bewildered Tyrone: 1-0.

There really was no need to panic; there was plenty of time left in the half to get back on level terms, and surely we would take one of our chances sooner or later – we definitely created enough of them. Both Scott and Rob came close with headers, with one of Rob’s seeming to strike the player on the arm as he stood on the line. Scott also had a good shot well saved by the keeper. On another day we would have even been awarded a penalty as Mikey was felled in the area. However the referee seemed reluctant to give any such decisions at either end – at least he was consistent. Nathan – who had moved to the wing to continue Parker’s good work of exploiting Laird’s weak defence – was also finding a lot of joy down the right, with one good ball in to the box being turned just wide by Nick, and on another occasion the keeper saved well from Nathan with his legs.

The equaliser finally came with virtually the last touch of the half. It’s not often we see Gollum’s silky skills, but it was his elegant turn in the middle that led to the ball going out for an Oaks throw on the right. Nathan “Bulgarian shot putter Ivanka Hristova’s number one fan” Kerin launched the ball into the penalty area and Sharpy rose highest to re-direct the ball into the net: 1-1.

If our performance in the first half had been below par, the way we started the second half can only be described as woeful. Ty was called into action more or less directly from the kick-off when a bouncing ball wasn’t dealt with by the Oaks defence despite a number of attempts. Fortunately Ty was on hand to save well with his legs when the Laird player got his shot away.

It wasn’t until we took the lead that things started to improve. By this point Nick had gone off having unfortunately hurt his ankle after an attempted shot which saw him hit more turf than ball. Nathan went up front to partner Sharpy and Aaron took his place on the right. This was to prove the turning point, as Nathan took up a position on the left side from which he was afforded time and space to run in behind the defence on a regular basis. On the first such occasion it was Scott, collecting the ball after good link up play between Deano and Parker on the right, who played a perfect cross field ball that was collected by Nathan and calmly slotted home past the helpless Laird goal keeper: 1-2.

For the next goal it was the turn of the left sided players to get in on the act. Ty threw the ball out to Eye-Ball on the left who carried the ball up the line before passing it on to Scott. He was tackled by the Laird defender, but Eye-Ball was on hand to pick up the lose ball and run into the area. Eye-Ball then played the ball back to Nathan, who drew the man and returned the ball to Eye-Ball. Rather than shoot, he then played the ball across the six-yard box where Sharpy was on hand to “shin” the ball into the net: 1-3.

This goal seemed to relax the Oaks and we began to find our stride. We were also helped by the fact that Laird were now down to ten men due to injury, but we were able to bring on fresh legs in the shape of Jimmy, replacing Gollum the middle. The chances now started to come thick and fast. Nathan got in behind the left full back three more times but on two attempts couldn’t lift the ball over the keeper, and on the third put the ball just wide. Mikey also had a good effort saved by the keeper when he beat his man on the edge of the area before working the ball back onto his right and shooting low to the keeper’s right.

Given that Sharpy had pulled a goal further away from him in the chase for the golden boot, Nathan would have been rueing his missed chances, but was finally rewarded with his second of the game and the 4^th for the Oaks. Our very own Lucio went on a mazy run from the back before playing a perfect ball over the defence for Nathan to run onto. This time his lob was expertly executed and the ball bounced into the roof of the net: 1-4.

It is worth noting that this game saw a rare 90 minutes for Michael “At least I’m not ginger” Parker. Perhaps this contributed to a couple of unfamiliar footballing errors from a man who is blessed with a good footballing brain and technique, but was back of the queue when they were handing out agility and athleticism. I’m sure it is because we expect so much that Milesy felt it necessary to give Parker a colourful summary of his performance, when despite having approximately 4.2 hours to compose himself and control the ball it somehow eluded him and went off for a throw-in. Never mind Parker.

Despite a couple of late scares, the score in this enjoyable, but at times frustrating game ended in a comprehensive victory 4-1 for the Oaks. We’ve got just the one game left in the season, against the same opposition, and I’d like to set the challenge for us not to only win but to get the goal difference (currently at -1) into the positive. I’m not going to challenge Nathan to score 4 more than Sharpy (although I’m sure he is going to try).

Eye-Ball

Next game: Sunday 10^th April v Laird @ Blackshots – 1030 k.o.