Oaks Athletic 1 - 5 Garrison

It’s easy to look at the score line and think “what a thrashing!” However, although it would be hard to argue that Garrison were not the better side, the reality was that they took their chances (and half chances!) and we didn’t. If we had taken ours we might not have won, but I would have a few more goals to embellish.

The rain had been pouring all night and into the morning, and had turned a surface that could have hosted Dancing on Ice three weeks ago into one that was more suitable for Mud Wrestling. Thankfully the referee (and more reluctantly the grounds men) deemed the pitch playable – and we managed to convince Parker to keep his clothes on.

Darling! Yellow boots are sooooo last season!

It was good to be able to welcome back both Nathan and Gollum from injury, and with Jason also available Milesy had more options open to him. Having closely analysed the evidence (Eye-ball’s photos) from last week’s meeting between these two sides, Milesy decided to pack the midfield; opting for a 4-5-1 formation:

ppppaaaaaaaaaaaaaNppppNeil (GK)

pppppppDeano (RB) Rob (CB) Milly (CB) Jason (LB)

pNathan (RM) Jimmy (CM) ppppppStu (CM) (c) Bill (LM)
ppppppppppppppppppppppppAl (CF)

pppppppppppppppppppppSharpy (CF)

subs: Parker, Gollum, Aaron

The opening twenty minutes were a tight affair, with Garrison struggling to adapt to the much smaller Blackshots pitch, and both sides being affected by the conditions both underfoot and the current wet and windy weather.

Unfortunately The Oaks hadn’t learnt their lesson from last week, and – after (roughly) twenty minutes – they took the lead. The ball was played high into the box, with the two nearest players being Nathan and the Garrison keeper. Bets were being taken as to whether Nathan would get crunched, display his “flying salmon” like jumping ability and nod the ball over the out-rushing keeper and into the net, or give us a heart-rendering rendition of the Smurfs classic “I’ve got a little puppy” (you’d have to have had a conversation with him to understand). As it was the first didn’t happen, the second wasn’t necessary, and the third is now available in all good record stores. The goalkeeper checked his run, and Nathan was able to simply glance the ball past him and into the net. 1-0 to the Oaks.

The sense of déjà vu continued when Garrison drew level due to a speculative cross come shot, from the same right winger who had left Neil flapping last week , which nestled in the top corner. 1-1.

The view from the dug-out of the Oaks Athletic Stadium ... it's there in black and white! (sort of)

1-1 became 2-1 to the visitors when a firmly struck free kick fell straight onto the head of Garrison’s striker and continued into the net. Before long it was 3-1 (I can’t quite remember how) and things were looking bleak.

It could have easily been 3-2 before the break when the ball re-bounded to Deano six yards out, but unfortunately he couldn’t lift it over the keeper, and the score remained 3-1 at the break.

Captain Stu receives his instructions for the second half (I could have been ruder, but my Nan reads this - Hi Nan!)


The same eleven started the second half, and once again The Oaks tried in vain to break down a well organised Garrison defence. The opposition also grew in confidence as the half wore on, and for a lot of the time we were simply chasing shadows. However, there were still some positives: we created more chances than last week (Al and Rob only being denied by fine saves by the Garrison Keeper), and Gollum made his first appearance since mid December after a long lay off with his bad back. It was a shame to see Sharpy limp off in the penultimate match before going under the knife, having had very little opportunity to improve on his goal tally.

The 20 members of the Lord of the Rings Fan Club were disappointed to discover he wasn't the real Gollum. Although they did agree the resemblance was uncanny.

The fourth goal for Garrison mid way through the second half killed the game as a contest. Nobody was more disappointed than Neil to be beaten by such a tame shot at his near post, and he didn’t complain when he was subsequently replaced by Parker between the sticks. It was a real shame as he had once again displayed his commitment to the side by turning up even though he had been up half the night with wisdom tooth pain (I hope it holds off long enough for your driving exam on Tuesday mate).

The fifth goal was irrelevant, and really just added salt to the wounds. Parker could possibly be forgiven for mistakenly thinking he had been asked to play at right-back – although the gloves should really have been a giveaway.

Anyway, what’s done is done. We don’t have to play Garrison again now, and next week against Woodlands will be a totally different match. On paper we’ll be favourites rather than underdogs. It’ll all be about attitude, so let’s make sure we get it right.

Iain "Sharpy" Pitney. Always wears the Oaks shirt with Pride.

Eye-Ball

Next Match: Sun 1st Feb Woodlands @ Blackshots – 10:30 K.O.

Goal Scoring Chart:

Garrison 4 - 2 Oaks Athletic

This week the match report is written from a different perspective, as I have added to The Oaks growing injury list by breaking my big toe whilst have a friendly “non-competitive” kick around. With Nathan and Gollum also still out, and other players carrying niggling injuries it’s becoming harder and harder to get a team out. However, get a team out Milesy did, and the following eleven started the match against the league leaders:

ppppaaaaaaaaaaaaaNNeil (GK)

pppParker (RB) Rob (CB) Milly (CB) Deano (LB)

pAaron (RM) Jimmy (CM) Stu (CM) (c) Bill (LM)

ppppaaaaaaaaaaaAl (CF) Sharpy (CF)

subs: Jason

This was always going to be a tough game against a team who have won their last five games in the league; scoring 21 goals in the process, and they showed some of this form early in the game as they created a few good chances that they were unable to convert.

It was therefore something of a surprise when The Oaks took the lead. It was, however, not surprising to see Sharpy continuing his rich vein of form in front of goal as he showed good determination to get onto a good through ball and bundle ball and defender into the goal.

(Click on photo to enlarge)

Al's attempt at stopping Sharpy scoring by shooting him in the ass doesn't have the desired affect

Unfortunately the lead didn’t last long as Garrison continued to threaten, and when they eventually got a shot on target it was out of Neil’s reach, and the scores were level.

The Oaks may not have been creating as many chances as Garrison in the early exchanges, but we were definitely the more clinical of the two sides. As a result it wasn’t long until the lead was restored when Sharpy latched onto a miscued shot (sorry I meant pin-point cross) from Al to bury the ball emphatically at the back post.

John Motson is caught out, having not had a shave thinking he was on 5 live

The next goal was always going to be vital, and it so very nearly went to the Oaks with Jimmy being cruely denied his first goal for the Oaks when he popped up at the back post and hit the ball straight at the keeper – it’ll come Jimmy (sound words from a man yet to score for The Oaks!).

The Oaks are making a bit of a habit of conceding comedy goals. In fact, next week I might bring a camcorder rather than a camera as there is bound to be another You’ve Been Framed entry, and it seems a shame to keep missing out on a guaranteed £250. Anyway, this week’s entry came as Neil rushed out to collect a through ball which Milly was already committed to clearing. With Millly successfully clearing the danger, the Garrison player kicked the ball back goal-wards, over the stranded Neil, and into the net for 2-2. Matters were not helped when The Oaks were forced to make their only substitution within the first 20 minutes when Busy Bill limped off with a calf injury.

This goal proved a real body blow for the Oaks, and by half time the score was 4-2 to Garrison, and some very weary legs trudged off for the 10 minute break.

Gollum: "That Parker just ain't right" - Amen to that.

The second half really wasn’t one to remember; there were no goals, no real chances for The Oaks and never any danger of the game being turned around. Garrison had the majority of the possession, and from where I was standing it looked like hard work. Fair play to the lads for keeping going right to the end, especially those who aren’t used to playing 90 minutes. Let’s hope some of the injured squad members return next week when we have another shot at Garrison.

All present run for cover as Milesy unexpectantly reveals his new haircut

Eye-Ball

Next match: Sun 25th Jan v Garrison @ Blackshots – 10:30am K.O.

Goal Scoring Chart:

Woodlands United C - C Oaks Athletic

A nice short report this week as this match was cancelled mid-week. Milesy will have to give full details but I assume the opposition were unable to provide a referee. Milesy had made it clear that if they couldn't provide a ref we wouldn't play the fixture given the farce last year when the same situation occured.

So instead we can look forward to next week's clash against top of the table Garrison.

Eye-Ball

Next game - Sun 18th Jan v Garrison @ Aveley Sports and Social Club - 10:30 K.O.

Address: Aveley Sports and Social Club, Purfleet Road, Avelely, RM15 4DT.

Directions (please someone correct me if I've got completely the wrong place). Exit the A13 at Wennington and turn left at the round-about (from Grays or right and straight over from Eastbound carriageway). Take the first left and the entrance should be somewhere on the right.

Oaks Athletic 10 - 3 F.C. Deportivo Thurrock

Happy New Year All!

Do not adjust your monitor, The Oaks did indeed return to winning ways thanks to a 10-3 victory in a match that no one expected to take place due to the heavy frost which showed no signs of thawing. However, one man had a funny feeling in his bones (possibly transmitted by his tag) that the game would go ahead, and he promptly bagged himself a double hat-trick. To mark this feat Milesy has shown great generosity in allowing Sharpy to keep the match ball for a week (if he retrieves it from Harriers) – what a guy!

I don’t think I can remember a game where there has been so much to discuss (or forget if you are a Deportivo player). Even when you put the ten goals, Sharpy’s six, and the frozen pitch to one side there are still enough talking points to ensure my fingers have well and truly thawed out by the time this report is finished. I’ll start by highlighting the significance of this game; The Oaks were on a three game losing streak, which started when we lost 4-3 to the same Deportivo (the league’s bottom side) in our worst performance of the season. The two games that followed saw much better performances against one of the top sides in the league where individual errors were the difference between winning a losing.

Milesy had already broken the news to Neil before the game that he would be sitting out at least the first half due to his recent loss of confidence and form when it transpired that, in addition to the lose of Captain Stu to injury, vice captain Nathan was also unavailable due to an injury picked up the previous day. This meant that, not only were The Oaks missing two of their most influential players, but they also only had 12 fit (ish) players to choose from. Parker’s talents could therefore not be spared in goal and Neil was handed his doggy life. In doing so he didn’t sulk or kick up a fuss, he just pulled on his gloves and went out with the look of a man who knew he had been handed a chance to prove himself.

The absence of Stu and Nathan (and the continued absence of Gollum) also gave Bill, Parker and Jimmy rare starts and just reward for their commitment to the team and impeccable attitude. With the change in personnel came a change in formation, and Milesy went with the following 5-3-2 formation:

ppppaaaaaaaaaaaaaNNeil (GK)

ppppppDeano (CB) Milly (CB) Jason (CB)

Parker (RWB)pppppppppppppppppppppEye-Ball (LWB)
pppppppppppppppRob (CM) (c)

ppppppJimmy (CM) ppppppppppBill (CM)

ppppaaaaaaaaaaaAl (CF) Sharpy (CF)

subs: Aaron

The Oaks startly brightly but, just like the last time these sides met, struggled to deal with Deportivo’s height, and a long throw in was flick straight onto another players head and into the goal.


It didn’t take long for the scores to be levelled, with Deano leaping like a salmon to meet Al’s corner and head the ball against the inside of the post. The ball ended up in the back of the net with a bit of help from our old friend Aaron Kempster, but it would be cruel not to award this goal to Deano for such a fine header (plus when Deano and Robo-Rob tell you it’s Deano’s goal it really negates the need for the dubious goal committee).

The Oaks definitely seemed to adapt best to the frozen surface, which proved perfect for passing but not so good for standing up. Two players who really seemed to be relishing their place in the starting eleven were Bill and Jimmy. The first was doing a great job of breaking up play in the middle, and was linking up really well with Sharpy upfront. The latter was showing great composure on the ball and was finding space in the middle to make himself available for a pass time and again.

It was a through ball from Bill to Sharpy that lead to the second goal for the Oaks. Sharpy made good progress down the left, and when his cross was only partially cleared our regular poacher – Rob – was there to drive the ball home from 15 yards for his 5th goal of the season.

At 2-1 we were looking comfortable, but when a fluke deflection put Deportivo’s striker through to score (at the second attempt) we could be forgiven for thinking it was going to be another one of those games. The lead was restored when, once again, Bill played a good ball through to Sharpy on the left. Sharpy then left the centre back on his backside and this time when Deportivo failed to clear his cross Bill was on had to lash the ball into the top right-hand corner – a superb strike.

The goals just kept coming, and Sharpy finally got on the score sheet (sorry Sharpy you'll have to recount this one). There was still time for Deportivo to pull one back before half time, and again we should have made a better job of clearing the ball.

In only 45 minutes of football seven goals had been scored, and the 4-3 score line from the last meeting of these sides had already been emulated. I don’t think any of us would have expected what transpired in the second half. With Milesy imploring us to make the next goal ours Bill once again dully obliged with a low cross to the back post which was missed by a slipping defender and expertly put away in the opposite corner by Al.

At 5-3 we weren’t fully comfortable – only last week we gave away a two nil lead in a matter of minutes. Lucky for us Sharpy was on hand to well and truly settle our nerves. This would be a perfect time for a montage, but I’m afraid your going to have to settle for a quick low down of Sharpy’s five – yes five – second half goals.

Goal number two for the day game courtesy (yet again!) of Bill who was felled in the area to earn The Oaks a penalty. Unfortunately with only two goals between the sides the shouts of “let Eye-Ball take it!” were duly ignored, and Sharpy slotted (or scuffed) the ball home from twelve yards. Sharpy’s movement was excellent all game, and he seemed to be able to stand tall as defenders fell about him on the tricky playing service. The hat-trick goal was a perfect example of this movement, with Sharpy latching on to a through ball from Al – who was doing some great work dropping deep. He nodded down the ball and unleashed a fierce shot that left the keeper rooted to the spot.

My account of the remaining goals may be a little inaccurate (there were a lot!). I do remember Al assiting with another, although some may interpret his pass across the goal from eight yards, after good work from Bill’s replacement Aaron, as a shot, and Sharpy’s total mis-cue – with the ball striking his standing foot and dribbling into the net - as “a little jammy”. The final goal of game also stands out for the quality little through ball from Jimmy on the edge of the box which was duly dispatched by guess who.

I can’t finish this report (although I really want to!) without drawing your attention to the second half clean sheet, and one particular moment that played a crucial part in this. I very much doubt that Deportivo’s midfielder has ever hit a ball better, and when he saw it flying towards the top left corner he must have thought – like we did – that the scores would be pegged back to 6-4, and Deportivo would be back in the game. Neil (a.k.a. the flying potato) had other ideas, and pulled off a remarkable save; tipping the ball onto the top of the bar and over for a corner. There were a few jaws being picked up of the frozen turf after that one!

Oh, and I should also mention the great attitude shown by the Deportivo players. They really didn’t get the rub of the green in this one, and although they were out of the game for most of the second half they still put in 100% are were unlucky not to be rewarded with a goal or two for their efforts.

I’m sure we all agree that this was the most fun we’ve had for a long time, and although we won’t get score lines like that every week (if we do you’ll be getting the scoring chart and nothing else!), but there is no reason why we can’t continue to enjoy each game as much as this one. Of course it’s more fun when we win, and we will win more often than not if we continue to display the team spirit and collective attitude we did in this game.

Eye-Ball

Next Game: Away @ Thames Rugby Club v Woodlands – 10:30 K.O.

Directions: (I won’t give the post code as the sat nav will take you into a dead end)

Passing Belhus park on your left: go straight over at the round-about, take the first left and turn right at the end and immediately left. Follow the road (Fulbrook Lane) round to the right and turn left at the end onto Garron Lane. Thames Rugby club is at the end.
http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&q=garron+lane,+south+ockendon&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&resnum=1&ct=title

Scoring Chart:

Perhaps we should start deducting goals for every booking – what do you reckon Sharpy?